Where is the church?

"They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved."
Acts 2:42-47
Have you ever seen something like that? Let me tell you, right now, I am longing for that. I dearly desire to have fellowship and have everything in common and work and sell things to help those who don't have as much as I do. I want all of that, with the love of God at the center of it all. Where is the church?

"All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of their possessions was their own, but they shared everything they had. With great power the apostles continued to testify to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus. And God’s grace was so powerfully at work in them all that there were no needy persons among them. For from time to time those who owned land or houses sold them, brought the money from the sales and put it at the apostles’ feet, and it was distributed to anyone who had need."
Acts 4:32-35
Have you ever seen anything like this? No one claimed that any of their possessions was their own, but they shared everything they had... God's grace was so powerfully at work in them all that there were no needy persons among them. Have you seen anything like this, ever? Have you seen a group of people so motivated by God's love that they lived in complete communism (yes, that is what it is, but if I am wrong, please correct me) so that everyone had what they needed?? Right now, I am longing for that.

Does anyone else feel that intense desire for a real church? Am I the only one who wants to live in a community, a real community with communism and the like, with God and His great love and mercy at the center of it all? I want that so much...but I know that my desire alone is not enough to do it.

What if instead of going to church, we became the church??

12 Step Program

So, in a Bible study I go to, we recently started going over The(?) 12 Step Program to help a person get past an addiction. It is popularly known by its use in Alcoholics Anonymous, and the leaders/hosts of the Bible study have both been through AA and are recovering alcoholics - they have personal experience with the program and its success.
The 12 Step program was mentioned in my Abnormal Psych class the other day, but the grad student who was giving the lecture (My professor focuses on a different subject matter and is starting to invite guest lecturers in to cover topics he is not as familiar with.), she mentioned that the 12 step program was good for people who are at a point where they want to get help and get past an addiction, but that the program had been criticized for its emphasis on spirituality, which is not for everyone.

And that is what I want to vent about, sort of. Because when I hear something like, "Spirituality/Religion/God is not for everyone," what I am actually hearing is "The truth is not for everyone." And I am strongly against that stance. I believe that everyone deserves to hear and know the truth. But, I don't think that the person/people who would make a statement like the first would understand that I transition to the second almost instantly. And this, I think, is the underlying issue. Or at least one of them.

The issue I talk about the is question about whether or not there is absolute truth. Is it an absolute truth that God, heaven, and hell exist, or do they just exist for me because I believe in them? (the second part being a relativistic truth system)
I've been thinking about it lately, sort of. I can come up with several arguments against that idea, the one about relative truth, but I have a hard time coming up with arguments for that idea. I would like to think that this is one of a few discussions that I don't know much about both sides while still holding a firm stance, but I don't know for sure. That being said, if you have any arguments for the idea of relative truth (regardless of your personal beliefs), I would be happy to hear them, because I don't want to just rant at nothing.

Relative truth. What I believe exists for me, and what you believe exists for you. Everyone wins, right? But what happens when I try to do that with a physical object? You throw a baseball at me, and I will choose to believe that you did not throw a baseball at me. Now, depending on your accuracy, I will get hit with a baseball. That is what happens, physical things do not disappear simply because we choose not to believe in them. (haha the idea of the cat in the box comes to mind...but I think that has more to do with atomic/nuclear things rather than spiritual things. I could be wrong, feel free to correct me.)
If you choose to believe that the speed limit is 50 mph and drive accordingly, you will still get pulled over if you are driving on a street where the speed limit is 35 and there is a police vehicle watching for speeders. Your beliefs do not change reality. Neither do mine. We will still be held accountable for speeding, even though we may choose to believe otherwise. (possible circumstances where you don't get a ticket: you are not from the area and did not know what the speed limit was, maybe you bribe the police officer or something else illegal, like running away. There are probably more.)

So, does this idea apply to spiritual/religious/God things as well as physical things? Obviously I think so... If I would choose to believe that God did not exist, that I did not have a soul that endures beyond my physical body, that would not change the reality of those things. If I choose to believe that God will not find out or punish me for doing something like running over pedestrians while driving 50 in a 35, that does not change the reality that I will receive punishment for such things. (Now here is where the Gospel comes in. Interesting, because I never intended to make that point. God is pretty neat :P )

As a side note: I am assuming the presence of a spiritual reality, which I know is not agreed upon by all. I can write another blog about why I believe that, but you may have to ask me to or let me know somehow or another. But this one is about truth.

So what is truth? Jesus claimed He was truth. Jesus claimed that He was the only way to the Father (God). (Another possible tangent: Was Jesus being close-minded? Was He being arrogant in saying He is the 'only way'?) Jesus said that He was the one that the Jewish prophets talked about when they talked about a sacrifice that would be sufficient for all sin, for all people. They talk about a person who is God incarnate, someone who is a ruler and a king, someone who is a servant, who is beaten and ultimately executed. This is the same someone, and many believe that Jesus is the person they were describing. Jesus said that He is/was the Way, the Truth, and the Life, and that no one comes to God except through Him (John 14:6). That sounds pretty absolute. And if Jesus was serious, and correct, about the claims He made, then shouldn't we take them seriously? Shouldn't we look at what Jesus claimed before we try to dismiss Him as some other crazy guy who thought he was God? What merit does Jesus, or the Bible, have? I think these questions are worth answering because, again, if what is in the Bible is true, and if what Jesus said is true, then it is of the utmost importance.

Conglomerate n. - a bunch of things

husband and wife, God and church - insults/disrespect
So today I was thinking about what might happen if someone were to insult my wife. (I was thinking about the future.) I feel like, depending on who it is and what is said, I would have to restrain myself from punching them right in the mouth. Or at least the face. Now, for those of you that don't know me well, I don't get angry/violent about much. That, however, would make me pretty mad. But no one is going to treat my wife that way.
And then a thought came to me: How does God feel when His bride is insulted or disrespected? I'm sure He is quite upset about it. I mean, His love far surpasses any sort of love that I will ever feel. And since God is outside of time, things that hurt don't exactly go away with the passage of time, as I understand things. (The idea comes from something I am pretty sure CS Lewis wrote, that we are under the illusion that our sins are somehow not as bad after 'enough time' passes.) Honestly, I feel kind of sorry for anyone who insults, disrespects, or imitates the bride of Christ. Because God has said, "It is mine to avenge; I will repay. In due time their foot will slip; their day of disaster is near and their doom rushes upon them."

beauty and nature
At another point in time today, I was thinking about just enjoying the weather and nature and the earth and sunshine. I wanted to stand barefoot in the grass and feel the warmth from the sun and the grass by my feet. I wanted to relish in it, to enjoy it, to take it in, to be healed. Being there (in my head), I could only wonder, How could someone take all this in and not think that there is purpose behind it? And I heard a reply, How can you see all this and say, 'Oh, there must be a God.'? And the truth is, I don't. But I also don't see how you can see all this and say, 'There is no purpose, it all happened by chance. This is a chance collection of atoms that has no reason to be.'
And then I thought, where does that sense of beauty and awe of nature come from in the first place? Why are people so moved to keep trees and the land alive so that they even stand in front of large machines or tie themselves to trees or something else like that? Why is it of such consensus that the earth is a valuable resource, that nature is good to look at and appreciate? Why is it that things like art and music appeal so much to so many? I want you to wonder that as well. Why do we appreciate and desire things that are given the quality of 'beautiful' or 'beauty'? Where does that even come from?

finding something of substance in conversations -I think I desire close relationships instead of frivolous friendships
Lately, I have noticed that I have not been as patient around others as I normally am. I'm going to be honest here, and I hope you can handle it. I don't say it to be insulting or disrespectful, I just want to be open and honest. Because I desire openness and honesty. I desire relationships that are worth something to me, that are deep and meaningful and have truth at their core. I don't want frivolous friendships far and wide.
Lately, I have noticed that I seem to get irritable around groups of more than 4 people when I am with them for more than about 10 minutes at a time. I noticed that I feel like I am forcing laughter, rather than feeling it and expressing it. I don't like that. I kept thinking - and realized that perhaps it was more that I just wanted to be around certain people, that I wanted to know certain people more and let them know that they are valued and appreciated and desired. (On a side note, maybe I'm shallow, but I don't think that is what is happening here. I may write another blog about that.)
I realized that because I know I haven't gotten irritable around everyone I've been with. There are a few people that I enjoy being with, and that I want to be with more. There are a few relationships that I feel are about to be even better than they were before, and I am eager to have that happen. I desire relationships that are real, that are honest and open, that involve maturity and immaturity. I desire relationships that are not based on something stupid like school or a job or which dining hall I go to. I want relationships that are deep, that are connecting and push me to be a better person.

And the relationship I want to grow the most is my relationship with God. I feel like I have almost forgotten who He is and what He wants for me. I feel like God is looking toward me and saying, "When can we hang out and talk? I miss you." And I miss God too...

Where are you headed?

No witty comment to begin this blog. Maybe I'll come up with something later.

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So I've been thinking lately. I've been thinking about where my current habits are going to end me up. I've been thinking about what I'll be like after spending hours in my room for days at a time. I've been thinking about what will happen to my relationships if I don't see my friends except for two or three times a week. And I don't like where those thoughts lead. Because let's be honest, they don't lead somewhere that I want to be.

So, to quote Sanctus Real, "It's time to face up, clean this old house/Time to breathe in and let everything out/That I've wanted to say, for so many years/Time to release all my held back tears. Whatever You're doing inside of me, it feels like chaos, but somehow there's peace. You're up to something bigger than me, larger than life, something heavenly." (I may have changed verses/chorii part way through that.)

So I want to make a change. Actually no, I don't. I want to make several changes, and I want the first one to be spending more time with God. Because, again, let's be honest, if any changes are made without first consulting the wisest, most good being in the universe, then those changes aren't going to be the best changes that can be made. And I'm not one to settle for less when it comes to living my life. I've settled enough, and I know I will again, cuz I am sinful and selfish, and neither of those things are anywhere close to best. I know I will struggle, but I want to change.

And God is faithful, I know this: And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue His work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns. (Philippians 1:6 NLT)

The work Paul is talking about is called sanctification, and I like to think of it as our very selves being changed from sinful to righteous and holy. Another way to look at it, as the prophet Ezekiel put it is that our hearts are being changed from hearts of stone to hearts of flesh. CS Lewis made an analogy that we are tin soldiers that God is changing into blood-and-flesh soldiers. In either case, we are being changed from what is lesser to what is greater. Yet we still fight it :/

So I ask you tonight: Where is your life going right now? If you don't make changes in your habits/behaviors/thoughts/words, where are you going to end up? And if that answer scares you or makes you sad, what changes have to be made to prevent that answer from happening?

To read another blog about the topic of what effect our choices now have on our lives, check out Travis Ray's blog.

Scripture to consider: Proverbs 3:5-6 -What do these verses mean for your life?

Heart-Ache

Have you ever noticed that 'heart' and 'yearn' both have the word 'ear' in them?

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Does your heart ache? Does it long for something more than what it has been given? Do you long for something more fulfilling than what you are left with after everyone around you has gone to their own rooms?

Is there a part of you that is still not satisfied when you beat the final boss, the last level, or pass that test? Is there a part of you that, after all of that has faded, comes up and says, "I want something more; I want something better"?

Is that part of you satisfied, at least temporarily, by being with friends? Or perhaps by developing a friendship? Is that part of you satisfied, at least partially, by being in a romantic relationship and having that special someone that you can share those special moments with?

Does that part of you still say, "I want something more; I want something better"?

Do you hunger for food and thirst for water? You have desires that can be met with physical things. Do you have a desire that cannot be met with something physical? Or, as CS Lewis said, do you have a desire within you for something that is not even of this earth? And do you think the fulfillment of that desire would be of this earth?

EDIT: Perhaps it is less defined than what I originally said. I know that for me, it is more of a feeling of, "Is there anything more?" More of a question than a specific desire. But maybe it is a desire, and out of that desire the question comes, asking if there is something to fulfill that desire. But I only know my own thoughts. What are yours?

Scripture to consider: Book of Ecclesiastes (if you want to skip to the end, it is Ecclesiastes 12)

Questions about School - Discussion

I must apologize...I feel so strictly formal while typing this. I am not a fan of that. You may notice that I am not writing with my normal tone...I felt that way at least. At any rate, I would like to know your thoughts, and there is one final question at the end :)

Who/What are schools for?

• Giving kids knowledge, teaching them about the world
• Schools are for teaching children about how the world around them works. They learn the rules of language, mathematics, and even physics, chemistry, and biology as they grow older. Schools are for showing kids what is going on outside of their house and outside of their neighborhood.
• Taking care of kids while their parents are at work
• Schools provide a sort of day-care while parents are busy bringing home the bacon. Schools with recess provide children with an outlet for their energy and playfulness, and even for their imaginations while they play and interact with each other.
• Kids, but also for parents and society
• Schools are directly geard towards benefiting the children that attend them. However, as was stated above, schools also benefit parents by providing a means of childcare, and they benefit society by providing knowledge and experience for children to become functional members of society, even though it may not be until later in their lives.
• Kids who want to be there, and for those who do not want to be there
• Schools such as colleges/universities provide opportunities for kids who still want to learn to continue to expand their knowledge of the world around them. They may choose to pay for classes and spend extensive amounts of time learning more about language, math, science, or other people. Public schools, like elementary, junior high, and high schools, on the other hand, may be geared more towards trying to teach an appreciation for learning to pupils who would rather be somewhere else.

How do you know?

As one member of our group stated, this is a short and simple question that is deep and difficult to answer. However, we discussed the following reasons:

• Giving kids knowledge, teaching them about the world
• We see evidence for this from our own experiences. In early education we learn about how to speak with proper grammar so that we can understand others and so that they can understand us. We learn about how math works so that we can add, subtract, multiply, and divide. We learn simple skills early in life so that they may be built upon later, in more advanced classes in later stages of schooling.
• Taking care of kids while their parents are at work
  
• The evidence for this line is seen in parents who drop their kids off at school but then do not talk with their children about what they learned. They do not work with their children on homework problems or help to reinforce the lessons given that day. Then, if their children do not perform up to the standards that are given, the teachers are blamed. Other parents do not seem to have any interest in how their children are doing in class.
• Kids, but also for parents and society
  
• We know this by looking at significant historical figures of the past. A greater education generally leads to a greater involvement and/or impact in society. Children who grow up to be adults that do not understand what is going on around them (whether it be dealing with language, science, or politics) have little reason to concnern themselves with anyone but themselves. If a society is to continue to grow and advance, it must teach the next generation what there is to know, as well as encourage them to want to know more, as the last point shows.
• Kids who want to be there, and for those who do not want to be there
  
• The strongest evidence towards school being for those who want to be in it is seen every day by our class. We are surrounded by a thriving university that only exists because people have decided that they want to keep learning. Colleges around the country, and the rest of the world, would not be in existence if there was not a desire for knowledge among the public. The evidence that shows that schools are for the students who do not want to be there is seen in the legal mandates that state a child must attend school until they are 18 years of age, in the United States. This law is trying to keep kids in school so that they might find what they are interested in and find their passion so that they may continue to pursue it in higher education.

Final Question: If this is what schools are for, are they fulfilling their purpose?

Storms, Clouds, and other things that block the Sun

When it is cloudy, I have a tough time seeing the sun. When it is storming outside, I usually do not see the sun at all. It is disappointing that the same happens to other things as well. Have you noticed how easy it is to get down when you don't hear positive comments? If I had to guess, I would say that you, too, have had a time (or times) in your life when it felt like there were only negative comments being directed towards you. Clouds were coming in, storms were on their way.

When it is storming, it is hard to feel the warmth of the sun. We forget that it is summer when the rain is cold and the wind is driving. We forget that the sun even allows there to be rain, for without it the earth would be a frozen ball. Have you seen Pluto lately? The sun's warmth does not extend there. It is cold. There is no rain; there are no clouds.

But while we are here, and we are here, it is hard to see the sun sometimes. It is hard to remember the ones who actually love us and care about our well-being. We hear the sneers, the mocking laughter, the lies that we are a waste of air. What else is there to think about when you are in the middle of a hurricane? I know for many, it is hard to imagine. I do not know what it is like to be in the middle of any sort of serious storm (at least one concerning weather)...I am thankful for that.

But when you are in a storm, when the wind is blowing and the rain is coming down; when the clouds are dark and the sun is not visible. When it feels like the night may last far longer than only until the next morning. How easily we forget that life has rhythm...there are seasons of heat and cold, life and death/hibernation. There is rain, there are rivers, there is evaporation. There is respiration, there is photosynthesis. Things go in cycles. Do you think humans are an exception to that?

What are the storms in your life? What are the clouds that try to block out the sun's light and warmth? Are you fortunate enough to have someone who holds a mirror, or a lamp, to remind you that there is still light, warmth, and hope, even in the midst of these dark clouds? Or do you keep looking at the clouds and saying, "There is no sun. I thought there was once, but now I see I am wrong."

No, you are wrong now. The sun is still there. Clouds do not negate the existence of light. Storms do not cause warmth to cease from coming to here from the sun. Simply because one essence is in abundance does not mean the opposite or alternative is no longer around. It may simply mean that it has been pushed somewhere else. We seem to forget that. People say, "There is no God, because there is evil." Would someone say, "There is no sun, because there is darkness." I should think not. Could it be that, because there is darkness, there must be a source of light? For what would shadows be, if they were not a lack of light in a certain area? Could it be that what we understand as darkness is not true darkness, but just a shadow?

This is abstract, I am aware. For those of you who have understood the metaphor, congrats, and I hope you get a lot out of it. For those of you who have not yet seen the metaphor, here it is:

God is the sun. The Son is the sun. The sun is the Son. Source of light, warmth, and life. God may seem to be blocked out by things like sickness(not just of the physical variety), pain (again, not just the physical), lies, stress/worry, or just the day to day grind of this life. These things are clouds. They get in the way, they block our view, they make this world colder. But those things seem to forget that, apart from God, they would not exist. (And to not exist is not beneficial for anyone, anything, any time. As CS Lewis said, how can you say it would be better for you to not exist?) That is just...wow. How often do we consider that? Without God, there would not be clouds. There would not be light, warmth, life, or rain. I'm not sure if the analogy extends this far though.

Do you know what happens when you move above the clouds, when you get closer to the sun? It gets colder. A lot colder. The temperature in the earth's upper atmosphere gets below the freezing point of water. But do you know what happens when you get close enough to the sun? It gets too hot, too bright for us to bear. We become consumed, literally, by the heat and light. If we start travelling closer to God...things may seem to get colder. Do you understand that we are in a battle? The enemy does not want you to be warm.

I think that is it. Not much else is coming. But here is the reason I wrote this:

My inspiration was disappointment. It felt like an old wound being re-opened. Like the band-aid was ripped off and the scab scratched until it bled again. It hurt. It still does...but the band-aid is back on now...and I do hope the healing process continues..

I know...well many people who are going through this I think, but there are a couple of friends in particular. When I talk to them sometimes, I can almost visualize them standing in the middle of a tornado of lies. There is no light or warmth, no truth. Only lies.

You are not a good friend.

You really messed up.

You can't do anything right.

This person doesn't really like you.

You still can't do that right.

No one wants to be around you.

They say that it is just hurting you, but it is actually good for you. Keep up the good work.

What you did was good, that person deserved that insult you gave them.

It's ok, even if you would have spoken up, they would not have listened. Just stand back and watch, after all, everyone else does that too.

You are not pretty.

You are not smart.

You are not a good person.

You are not worth their time.

You are not worth anything at all.

You are not good enough, and you never will be.

Are you familiar with these voices? Have you been surrounded by lies, so thick that the truth seems no where to be found? Have you noticed that sometimes, the lies are just missing a piece of truth?

Your friends appreciate you for who you are.

You may have messed up this time, but I am a God of second chances. I will not leave you.

I have put my Spirit inside you. Whatever you do with me is good.

This person loves you more than you know; they just don't know how to tell/show you.

You will learn, just keep trying, don't give up! You are a work in progress, and when I am finished, you will hardly recognize yourself. I will not leave you.

You have no idea how many people would love to spend a day with you, and only you.

You have been seeking things that are not Me. You have been hearing voices that are not Mine. I will give you a new heart, and you will be healed. I will not leave you.

Do not repay evil for evil; let every word that comes from your mouth be uplifting and encouraging. You do not know what that person is struggling with, just as they do not know what you are struggling with.

Have you read the story about Jonah? He spoke up, the city listened, and thousands of people were saved. You have the chance today to change at least one life.

You are made in My image, and you are beautiful. When I look at all I have made, I cannot keep my eyes off of you. You captivate Me.

I want to teach you so that you will know, and give you wisdom so that you may teach others.

You are not a good person, but because of what My Son has done, I now see you as holy, righteous, and blameless. And guess what? I love you just as much now as I did then.

I have been with you every second of your life. I will not leave you. You are worth it. I have thought about it since the beginning of time, and you are worth it.

You are worth more than anything else in creation to Me. Because of My love for you, I have given Myself in your place. I have purchased your life with Mine.

On your own, you are not good enough, and never will be. But with Me by your side and in your heart, there is not stopping us. I am always with you, and I will never leave you. You are mine, and I am yours.

Do you feel the warmth? I do...these things do not come from myself - if they did, I would not put them up for many to see.

Do you see the light? I have, and I long to see it again.

Do you have clouds and storms in your life? I sure do...and it is always nice to be reminded of the sun- to be reminded of the Son. God is good, all the time. I hope you are reminded of the Son, even when the storms are coming in.

Honestly (Oooh, Ooh)

Honestly is a song by VOTA, and when they sing the word 'Honestly' it is followed by some "oohs" which is why they're there.

anyway. Honestly. Do you feel the weight of this world caving in on your heart and soul? Do you feel the lies of this world eating away at your thoughts and emotions? Have you been deceived by all the pretty things that steal our eyes away from what is truly important? Do you seek satisfaction by the creation instead of the Creator?

Honestly. Would you rather live in a world of lies? Would you rather have the truth, even if it tore you to pieces? If living in a world of lies was comforting, but the truth hurt...which would you choose? Would God be enough for you? (check out John 14:6)

Honestly. Have you felt that pull, that tug, that shove, that sting, that comes from trying to be 'different' while living in the same place as everyone who is 'normal'? Have you been hard-pressed, struck down, left in the dark, perplexed? (check out 2 Corinthians 4:8-9)

It is the night, but joy comes in the morning. Though we will have trouble in this world, He has overcome it. The fear of being alone is nonsense in the presence of God. (check out 1 John 4:18)

Did you read that? Perfect love drives out fear...I have written about that before, somewhere on here :P Have you experienced that perfect love? Do you thirst for that perfect love? Or do you settle for a cheap shadow, a counterfeit that is used to deceive and spread lies and more fear? Don't settle for what is less. Seek and you will find, that is what I read and that is what I believe. (check out Jeremiah 29:10-14) If you think God is a liar, and He doesn't mean it when He says that you will find Him when you seek Him with your whole heart, but aren't willing to prove it by actually seeking Him....then I would say you are still unsure. You are afraid that He won't be there. I am afraid that He won't be there. But I know that His love, His compassion, His timing, is perfect. And nothing in this world is going to change that.

Then you will be handed over to be persecuted and put to death, and you will be hated by all nations because of me. At that time many will turn away from the faith and will betray and hate each other, and many false prophets will appear and deceive many people. Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved. And this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come. [Matthew 24:9-14]

A Few Thoughts

First thought: I like the song Ghost Love Score by Nightwish. That is playing right now. Good stuff :)

Second thought: I am leaving on a mission trip tomorrow morning, and I expect to have some things to blog about when I get back. I hope you are looking forward to them as much as I am :)

Third thought: In reference to a post I typed earlier...this week was night. And I'm not sure when the dawn is coming, but I am absolutely sure it is coming. To quote House of Heroes, I will hold on through the shelling of the night.

Fourth thought: Note to self-go to bed before you die.

Good night friends and random people who are not yet friends but are here anyway. I hope you do have a good day :)

If you are like me...

then you probably listen to music. Even sing along with it every now and then. And if you are like me, you may not often think about the lyrics of what you are singing, what they mean, and whether or not you mean them.

However! There was one night when I was thinking about the lyrics I was singing. They were, "There may be pain in the night, but joy comes in the morning"

A variation is, "Though the sorrow may last for the night, His joy comes in the morning"

So I was thinking about this, and my first thought was, "Do I actually believe that? When I am stumbling and tripping and afraid of the dark, in the dark, do I believe and look forward to the morning, when light breaks through and warmth surrounds me once more?"

That is also my question to you. (or, I would encourage you to ask yourself that, since it is phrased in the 1st person ;P)

The following is (sort of) my thought process....

Well, do I actually believe that? Do I believe that, though the sorrow may last for what feels like a very long time, that there will be happiness again? I would like to think that I do, but do I really? To be honest, I would say yes, but that is not while I am in the middle of the night, trying to stay dry during a storm. This is not when I am trying to resist the winds and storms of this life. This is when I am in a warm house, with a comfortable chair to sit on and food and water surrounding me. What else should I want?

So lets go to a time when things were not so hunky-dory. I was confused, sad, disappointed, and wondering what had happened. I was feeling alone. I wondered what had happened, how things had progressed to where they now were. I was glad to be alone, but I so desperately wanted someone to be with, someone to hold. But there was no one to hold. No shoulder to cry on.

I wanted to see the light of dawn. I wanted to behold the joy of His truth and love. I wanted so badly to be reassured that things would turn out ok. That things would turn out good. That things would get better than they were. But, as they say, it is darkest before the dawn.

You know, I don't think that is actually true. Just before the dawn, you should be able to tell that the sun is almost up, and you should be able to see that it is crawling its way up over the horizon. No, I think it is darkest when the sun is the farthest away. When the sun is on the completely opposite side of this planet. When we may have the light of the moon to see by, if we are lucky. That is when it is darkest.

It is interesting though. When the sun is literally the furthest away...it isn't much further away than it normally is. The distance from the earth to the sun is about 93 million miles. The diameter of the earth is (does a quick internet search...), at the equator, almost 8 thousand miles (7,926.28). (At the poles it is 7,899.80 miles in diameter. How about that.) So, when the sun is shining on the other side of the earth, it is only .0086% further than it is when it is shining on 'our side' of the planet. That is a pretty small difference. (yay maths!) Interesting, I find it, how our perception of things is not always accurate.

Long story short, things did get better. I realized that I do have friends I can hug and talk to and get advice and comfort from. I was reminded that God's grace extends beyond our brokenness. I have learned so much from that experience, and I have become much stronger because of it. I now know that things do get better, even when they feel like they have become the worst they can be. I have learned that I can go on, that I can keep on keeping on with the strength that God provides me. I have learned that when we are weak, He is strong.

So, I feel like yes, I can say that I believe that even when it is the darkest night, the sun will rise again in the morning. I believe that even though things will get bad, even worse than what I can imagine, they will get better, and even better than they were before. I am convinced that God works through all things for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. I know that even though I may not know what will happen, I know it will be good. I know that God is good :) and I am so thankful for His mercy towards me.

Let's do Another Love Post

Alright so here goes something.

I don't think I have asked this yet, but how do you know someone loves you? Or, if you are not sure if you can know whether or not someone loves you, what gives you hints that someone loves you? If you prefer, what evidence is there that a given person feels love towards you? What is it that gives you reason to believe that a friend, family member, whoever it may be, loves you? Do you really believe it? Or do you just know that you are loved, and you struggle to believe that it is true?

What do you look forward to?

Tonight, as I was driving back to my house, I thought about my Grammy dying. She has cancer, and she has been going through chemo for almost a year now, I think. Or something around that. Anyway, she has stayed strong through it, and I feel like if she would die tomorrow, I could accept that. (Tomorrow she is getting something done with her lungs; her oxygen levels have been a little variable lately, as I understand things.) I trust that God knows what is best for her, and for my family. And I know I can trust Him with her life, with this situation. I feel peaceful about it, which is not something I have felt in the past few weeks.

Tonight, as I was driving back to my house, I thought about my Grammy dying. I thought about what it will be like to see her again in heaven. I thought about how she will not be frail as she is now. Her right arm will not be shriveled from polio, as it is now. I don't even know if she will be more than 60 years old, as she is now. I thought about how there will be incessant peace and everlasting love. Actually, thought is not the right word. Though, to me, suggests some form of wordage. This was more, considered. Felt. I... I didn't think, not with words. I felt, with...with what? With the Spirit's assistance, of course. (Tangent here, fruit of the Spirit suddenly seem to come into my life. Interesting.)

Thinking about heaven is something that has come to me more in the past year than it has in all my life before then, I think. I even recently bought a book about heaven. Actually it is about what happens after we die, but the evidence pointing towards there being a heaven is quite interesting. Feelings of intense joy, love, and peace. A feeling of finally being at home. The words people use to describe their experiences are non-existent; words cannot accurately describe how it will be after we die. And some people think that consciousness ends after death....but how many of us actually look into that idea, the idea of what happens after we die?

Oh, well I am only 20 years old (Double Digits!!!), I still have 50 or 60 years before I will die. Yeah? Try telling that to the girl who was diagnosed with lukemia when she was a teen. Tell that to the mother who lost her son, when he was 18, in a driving accident. Death doesn't wait for us to be ready. (That was my tone of, you don't know what you are talking about. I may show you sometime, if you really want to hear it. But it might scare you. Seriously.)

What do you have to look forward to? What do you look forward to?

Are those the same question, anyway?

I look forward to giving Jesus a hug. Seriously. Not a prayer-hug, as I have come to eagerly desire as of late, but a full body hug. I know I will not want to let go of my Lord, of my Best Friend.

Sometimes I am scared that God isn't pleased by the things I do. I fear that what I am doing on this earth is not good enough. I fear that I am turning my back on God, and He is getting very angry at me. But when I think about being in heaven and hugging Jesus, guess what? No more fear. Do you know why that is?

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. (NIV)

There is no fear in love [dread does not exist], but full-grown (complete, perfect) love turns fear out of doors and expels every trace of terror! For fear brings with it the thought of punishment, and [so] he who is afraid has not reached the full maturity of love [is not yet grown into love's complete perfection]. (Amplified)

Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced His perfect love. (NLT)

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. (ESV)

That is because fear and perfect love do not coexist. When love is full, complete, and perfect, there is no fear at all. What is there to be afraid of? You are wholly, utterly, head-over-heels loved by the Greatest Man this world has ever known. He is smart. He is kind. He is wise. He knows when to tell you to stop doing what you are doing and listen. He knows what kind of pain you have been through. He knows what temps you most. He knows how to help you best. He knows where you have been going all your life. He knows that your Father in heaven loves you more than you can imagine. He is powerful; the wind and waves even obey Him. He is alive; He died, but death has no power over Him. He is watching over you now, even asking His Dad to help you in the things you do, asking His Dad to give you what you need to complete what you have been put here for. Even now, He is looking at you, and He sees your heart. He doesn't see your clothes. He doesn't see your shoes. He doesn't see how much makeup you put on. He doesn't see what brand of cologne you wear. He sees your heart. He knows your heart. And He loves your heart, with all that He is.

Do you believe this?

You know what He said? "Don't be afraid, just believe." "With God, all things are possible." "He who asks receives, he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks, the door will be opened to him." "Behold, I stand at the door and knock." "I am the First and the Last." "Don't worry." "Surely I am with you always." "I will send you the Helper." "I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you." "I do not give as the world gives." "I have come that you may have life, and have it to the fullest."

Do you believe this?

What do you look forward to?

Do you see what I have to look forward to?

Do you look forward to it as well?

Do you want to know where all these verses are in the Bible? haha cuz I know I do! The Spirit was definitely feeding me verses there, and I want to look all of them up now :)

Let me know which ones stick out to you, and why :)

(please and thanks)

Going, Going...

But where to?

I feel almost lost. I hesitate to use certain words because I don't want to be over-dramatic.

Tipping Point isn't coming tonight. No Sir.

Friends, let me tell you a little secret. (that probably isn't the right word but oh well)

I prefer that you be honest with me. If you think I am making a bad decision, let me know, please. If you think I am being incredibly stupid or unnecessarily silly, let me know, please. If you think you may offend me, say it anyway. I prefer truth. I will come to understand at some point, and I may argue with you, but please...speak truth. Don't settle for a lie because you think it is better for me, that I won't get hurt, because sometimes the truth hurts. Don't think you know what is best for me, because you may not. God loves us perfectly, right? And do you think He keeps the truth from us?
Sometimes, yeah, He does. So hey, is it a balancing act? Bah, I don't know. But in the situations I am speaking about above, I think it is better to be told a stinging truth than a fluffy lie.

Because sometimes, I just need to hear the truth. Sometimes I need to be told that what I am doing is not right. Sometimes, you just have to tell me that once, and not keep going about it for unnecessary amounts of time. Because, lets be honest here, I am obviously not anything near perfect, and I still have pride. I despise that part of me, but it is still there. And the fleshy/sinful side of me wants to keep that pride quite intact, thankyouverymuch! So I may be hurt by the truth, I may feel like you are attacking me or something, and I may try to defend myself. But just let me know what you believe to be truth. And if I am willing to talk with you about it, then let's have a discussion :) I like talking with my friends.

Let me know if you would like me to try and do the same for you: Tell you the truth, even if I think it may hurt you in some way. Because I believe the truth will, at some point or another, bring about something that is much better than lies.

To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies. Yet because I tell the truth, you do not believe me! Can any of you prove me guilty of sin? If I am telling the truth, why don’t you believe me?

Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

Excerpts from John chapters 8 and 14.

Foment.

It means to start up or initiate, especially an insurrection.

Alright, time for round dos! (2!) = 2

[it actually does... 2*1=2 ;) ]

Hmm.... Lets see. Love is pretty great huh? Otherwise we would not use the word 'love' to describe the things we care about most, or like most, would we? But what is love, really? Is love simply caring about someone a lot, or is it liking someone a lot? (I am sticking with love between two people because I do not want anyone talking about how they love nachos or something else like that :P) Is love being really really nice to a person? Is love smiling at someone, even when they hurt you? Is love telling a person that you agree with them, even if you may not? Is love encouraging someone to keep doing what they are doing, even if what they are doing is not what you think is best?

I suppose here is where I am leading: Is love polite, or is love honest? Can it be both, or neither? But, suppose you had to make a decision: being kind (polite) or being harsh (honest). Which one would love (real, honest to goodness love) show?

This one is for you

You. The reader. The commenter. The person who, somehow or another, has come across my blog. Consider the following statement, please:

I love you.

What does it mean to you? What do those words entail? Are those words enough? Are there things that people do that show these words instead of say them?

I will (hopefully) post another blog after this along the same lines. I'll include a specific tag.

It's Kind of a Funny Story

Um...I want to kill myself...

{hands over paperwork}

--Oh great...that will help people, won't it? I know it is supposed to be funny...but is it accurate? When a person comes to us with something they need help with...do we give them help, or a process? I know those may be the same...but paperwork?

Man, you are stressed out for 16. You need to relax.

I thought you guys could do something quick...I didn't think I'd be committed... 5 days? I can't be here till Thursday...I'll miss school, and my friends will find out where I am.

Depression is nothing to be ashamed of.

Some of the people here are.. really messed up.

They're professionals, they can help you in ways that..we..can't...

--Letting go is tough, isn't it? But is it better than holding on?

You should know, Craig, if you don't open up, you're never gonna heal.

--Is this true? And if it is not, how will you heal on your own? They say that time heals all things. Is that true?

Well I have 8 dollars..

Well you don't have to brag about it! People here have nothing. Show a little humility!

Why'd you stop taking [Zoloft]?

I guess I felt like I didn't need it..

Maybe that means it was working :)

Do you have anyone you can explain it to? Friends? Family?

I have friends..and family but, its not always easy.

--He puts school high on his list of priorities. He keeps asking if he can get out so he can go to school... That kinda makes me sad.

Yeah, I don't get wrapped up in a bunch of stuff I don't have.

--Who does? Do you? Do I? How do you know?

Why won't you accept [his offer of kindness]?

Because I don't want any handouts.

--Is that pride? Or is it a legitimate reason?

I see a therapist...yeah, it's pretty embarrassing.

--Why is it embarrassing? Because we don't have it together? And if everyone is embarrassed that they don't have it together...what does that mean?

I guess..I didn't really want to kill myself. But I kind of did. Does that make sense?

Yeah.

--He is so concerned about being around people who are different than him. Why does that make us uncomfortable?

There is so nothing wrong with you!

Yes there is!

--Is there something to be gained by admitting that we have a problem?

I don't have any friends.

This is very tough thing to learn.

--The truth can hurt..and the truth will set you free... What do you think about those statements?

You shouldn't stress about it. That doesn't mean it isn't important, though.

--Is that conflicting in any way? Why or how? And have you ever heard anyone say something like that before?

And was that difficult, seeing Bobby like that?

I was scared..seeing someone fall apart like that. All the stress and pressure and anxiety just bubbling up. But I'm never able to let it out like that, I always keep it inside.

Lord, grant me the strength to accept the things I can't change, the courage for the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

It's like, get a clue dad! There is something bigger going on.

And what is that?

I don't know, but it feels big.

--Have you ever thought about that?

There are some cool people in here.

--When is that true? Where is that true? What determines whether or not it is true? Does it have to deal with how well you know the people there?

Cool Craig what are you afraid of? c'mon!

Why can't we give love a chance?

--What would that involve? And, instead of thinking about the risks, what are the potential gains? What are the potential gains that we don't know/think about, too?

You've really gotta get out of the room more...there is a whole world out there.

--Quite the perspective change :)

Well, I like her, but I think I'd be too nervous to ask her out.

What are you nervous about?

Rejection..

Man, you can't let you live by fear. Otherwise you might end up like Muqtada. Or you might end up like me.

Uh...

That is the part where you say 'Your life is not that bad.'

Oh, sorry...

--Let's be honest, who is not nervous or afraid of rejection?

And I've uh..tried to kill myself 6 times.

I thought about doing that...but I couldn't.

Well what stopped you?

My family I think...knowing how bad I'd mess them up.

See, that's the part I don't get, Craig. I mean, you're cool, you're smart, you're talented. You have a family that loves you. You know, what I would do just to be you, for just a day? I would... I would do so much. I would... I don't know. I would just... I'd just live. Like it meant something.

--What do we take for granted? Do you see the things that others see in you? In your life?

This is enough for one day, I think.

--Baby steps. Baby steps :)

--The breaking point. Here it is. He is looking at the drawing... 'Under Pressure'

Things are going to change now. Let's see what happens :)

You've had it figured out all along...never get out of the bed.

--Back to this logic. Why? He was hurt. He got rejected. Twice. Shot down. Turned away.

Being not busy being born is busy dying.

[There are so many people struggling to live...]

Have you told [your dad] how you feel?

Not yet.

But you will?

....I think so.

So you're in love with her?

No.

Well of course not. You thought she was hot, so you told her what you thought she wanted to hear.

--Boom roasted.

I like how you don't hide your problems like everyone else. And I don't feel like I have to hide mine when I'm around you.

--How freeing is that? Have you experienced it?

So, how come you never asked me why?

I guess I just assumed you would tell me when you wanted me to know.

Thanks.

I know I might hide it pretty well, but I get that depression stuff too, sometimes. Don't kill yourself, k? Seriously..

{bro hug}

--It is amazing what happens when you get to know a person as a person. When you get to know what they like and don't like. Who they've been and who they don't want to be. (haha I know I'm quoting The Fray, but I think it is true :P) You can really help someone to be who they were meant to be.

It'll come to ya!

Okay, I know you're thinking, "What is this? Kid spends a few days in the hospital and all his problems are cured?" But I'm not. I know I'm not. I can tell this is just the beginning. I still need to face my homework, my school, my friends. My dad. But the difference between today and last Saturday is that for the first time in a while, I can look forward to the things I want to do in my life. Bike, eat, drink, talk. Ride the subway, read, read maps. Make maps, make art. Finish the Gates application. Tell my dad not to stress about it. Hug my mom. Kiss my little sister. Kiss my dad. Make out with Noelle. Make out with her more. Take her on a picnic. See a movie with her. See a movie with Aaron. Heck, see a movie with Nia. Have a party. Tell people my story. Volunteer at 3 North. Help people like Bobby. Like Muqtada. Like me. Draw more. Draw a person. Draw a naked person. Draw Noelle naked. Run, travel, swim, skip. Yeah, I know it's lame, but, whatever. Skip anyway. Breathe... Live.

--Now the movie is over. And here are some of my last thoughts :)

The dad. Too focused on work to notice what his son is going through. Too focused on work to notice what his son actually cares about. To notice what the 'bigger thing' is.

What happens when we get focused on one thing? Or even a couple of things? Is it better to focus on one or a few things? Or is it better to keep a wide view?

This could be very important for your future.

But what about now??

--This is from the deleted scenes, but I feel like it is so true...we concern ourselves so much with the future, it seems. Is it such that we are so focused on the future that we forget about the present?

Gah, I know I do sometimes. I start thinking about what I want to do after college, but before that what classes I have to take, and what if I don't graduate in four years? and what if I don't graduate at all? What would happen if I just sort of went off and did something that everyone did not expect?

But I have to be reminded that I am living now. I am living here. I am not living in the future, and I am not living 'there', wherever 'there' may be. I may do something that no one expects, but I would have to do it now, wouldn't I? I know there is planning involved, but eh. An idea I have heard: We figure out the what, and leave the how up to God. What do you think about that phrase?

I know I asked a lot of questions in this one. That may be because I liked the movie, and I felt like it was pretty easy to identify with the main character. It might be because I have wanted to see this for a while. It might be because I simply opened up my 'questioning mechanism' a little more. Or perhaps it would be better stated that I lessened the filtering I do from my mind to my typing. I ask a lot of questions. And I ask because I want to get to know you. So if you feel like I am asking too much, just let me know. I'll stop asking questions for a while :)

But I will still want to get to know you more ;)

Fight Club! (again)

Its only after we've lost everything that we are free to do anything.

Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off.

Homework assignment
--Hey, is that a gun?

Meet me in the back.

--What are you doing??

Meet me in the back.

[In a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.]

Raymond, you are going to die.

What did you study Raymond?

Why?

What did you want to be Raymond K. Hessel?

The question, RAYMOND, was what did you want to be?

--A vet...too much school...

Would you rather be dead, would you rather die here on your knees in the back of a convenience store?

Tomorrow will be the most beautiful day of Raymond K. Hessel's life. His breakfast will taste better than any meal you and I have ever tasted.

You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your f***ing khakis. You're the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world.

Like a monkey ready to be shot into space. Like space monkey, ready to die for the greater good.

Listen up, maggots. You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else.

Hi. You're going to call off your rigorous investigation. You're going to publicly state that there is no underground group. Or... these guys are going to take your balls. They're going to send one to the New York Times, one to the LA Times press-release style. Look, the people you are after are the people you depend on. We cook your meals, we haul your trash, we connect your calls, we drive your ambulances. We guard you while you sleep. Do not... f*** with us.

Is this about you and me?

F*** what you know. You need to forget about what you know, that's your problem. Forget about what you think you know about life, about friendship, and especially about you and me.

Guys, what would you wish you'd done before you died?
Guy: Paint a self-portrait.
Other guy: Build a house.
And you?

--I don't know. Turn the wheel now, come on!
You have to know the answer to this question! If you died right now, how would you feel about your life?

--I don't know, I wouldn't feel anything good about my life, is that what you want to hear me say? Fine. Come on!
Not good enough.

In death, a member of Project Mayhem has a name.

--His name is Robert Paulson.

---His name is Robert Paulson.

All the ways you wish you could be, that's me. I look like you wanna look, I f*** like you wanna f***, I am smart, capable, and most importantly, I am free in all the ways that you are not.

And in the end, what is it that really matters?

This is why I like this movie a lot. Well, this is part of why I like this movie a lot. It makes you question things. What is real? What is important? What do we do in our minds that we don't even realize we are doing?

Can one person change the world?

If one person cannot change the world, what is the least amount of people you have to have before you can?

If one person can organize a group, what is not possible for them to accomplish?

When we realize that we have lost everything...can we do anything?

Its only after we've lost everything that we are free to do anything.

1: Some do perceive divinity, therefore it is part of their reality.

1. Many people ‘join’ a particular religion because they report experiencing a supernatural, or divine, event. Some claim to feel something within them change; others claim having a vision or hearing a voice of some kind. Another group may seem to say that they suddenly see how they have been ‘called’ towards this particular set of beliefs for their whole life, but the pieces are only now clicking together. This experience of the divine is a central part of many religions, and it is nearly impossible to convince someone that their perceptions were faulty. Also, you cannot simply say that an experience was inaccurate, as the same could be said of your own. The argument of skepticism is a dangerous weapon to wield, so I will not go too far into that.

There is also an argument that can be made that what can be perceived by everyone, such as the stars, the earth, and the life on the earth. Some would say that the things of this world/universe illustrate qualities of the divine, and since these are perceptible by all, everyone has experienced an aspect of divinity. Some, however, do not realize what they are experiencing because, perhaps, they have not been told. It could also be that the perceiver is simply choosing to ignore the ‘divine’ elements of the perception, or the reality that is being perceived.

I would appreciate it if you found any holes in my logic. Point them out, please :)

I Feel Great

Just peachy-keen-lemonade-goodness. I feel thankful! I feel loved :)

I feel a bit tired, but mostly I feel like I am waiting for something. What am I waiting for?

Maybe I should just go to bed.

I'll let you know more, haha my bad :P

I just got back to my house after going to a church sermon (of sorts) that lasted about 6 hours, with 10 minute breaks every now and then. It was amazing! Secret Church 2011. Good stuff! Check out Twitter, I heard there were a lot of 'tweets' on there. Or just google search it.

Anyway! The speaker basically went through the whole gospel. Outlined our sinfulness, God's goodness and holiness. Talked about how God is just, loving, merciful, and He has nothing but absolute wrath for evil. In fact, God abhors those who do evil. (It is in the Psalms, I can find it if you want.) I don't know about you, but I do evil :/

And that reaction, in itself(!) is enough to make me wonder how much I really care... As it was said tonight, true repentance involves a feeling of regret and a decision to turn the other way. A decision to run towards God. And in order to turn and run towards one thing, you must turn and run away from another thing.

Then we talked a lot about faith, and justification, and works, and sanctification, and it was really interesting! I learned some things about 'official' Catholic doctrine that was quite concerning, and I was reminded that just because it is the 'official' doctrine does not mean that every individual who claims to be Catholic believes those things. People are different. Opinions are different. Experiences are different.

But God is always good :)

Propitiation was mentioned, which is similar to atonement. We talked about the different parts of what happens when a person repents and believes. We talked about why Jesus died, and about what happens now that Jesus has gone up to heaven. In plain speech, we talked about some of the activities of the Holy Spirit and what it means to be adopted as a child of God :)

Then we talked about more stuff that I am currently not remembering apparently, and then we talked about the idea of election and God's will and love. That is, God's will is that all people be saved, and His love extends to all of creation, which includes all humans. Yet, God's character, which includes justice, would not simply allow anything that was not good into heaven, and would also punish anything that was not good. That would be just. And so we have the problem of predestination and free will. But, it was late, so we didn't go into it too much. I really liked the analogy that was used at the end though :)

There should be more to come, as I keep reading Romans and consider posting my thoughts here.

What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. -Philippians 3:8-9

UNL Worship Night - April 8, 2011

So tonight I went to East Campus for dinner. Twas quite tasty, and fun, and of course, a bit stressful. Traveling in groups is always stressful, isn't it? But it is tough to beat a bacon cheeseburger with spinach on it dipped in chili-cheese sauce. Yum :9

After I got back to City Campus, I went to UNL Worship Night. It consisted of a bunch of people singing, giving high fives and hugs, prayer, more singing, and some good times! Plus, it is tough to beat some time praising the Creator of the Universe. God is pretty great, after all ;)

While I was at Worship Night, I did some praying. I asked God to show/reveal Himself, because I was feeling a bit like I was just singing, and not really experiencing His presence. Boy howdy, God sure does answer prayer!

I was thinking about...well actually I don't really remember, but apparently I was distracted. Then I felt like God was telling me to just sit down and talk with Him for a bit. (Not to, 'to' implies one-way conversation; 'with' implies an actual two-way conversation.)

So I sat down. And tried to listen. And I thought I heard God say, 'Psychology'

Oh, ok. So He also could have said, 'Geology' right? ehh..doubtful. I've been thinking about changing my major (again) to Psychology, but/because I am really not sure about what I want to do after college. Right now I am a Secondary Education - Natural Science(s) major. That means I would be able to teach grades 7-12 in science classes, hypothetically. Now, I think I would like that. I think I could do that. But I don't know if that is where God wants me or not.

I have also considered working in Youth Ministry in some way. I think I could do that, and I think I would like to do that. But I don't know if that is where God wants me or not.

So here I am, hearing, perceiving, whatever you want to call it, this word. Psychology. (God, is that really you? Unfortunately I did not see an angel or have a potential sacrifice to offer, as Gideon did [Judges 6]) And so I am thinking, 'Lord, I just switched to Secondary Ed, maybe I should just go with some of those classes and see how it feels?' I did not receive a direct/explicit reply, but I may have felt some sort of look, something like, 'Oh yeah? You think that is a better idea?' hahaha who is the smarter one here???

So, I basically pulled a Gideon and asked God to reaffirm that for me at some point in time. Obviously I will have to focus, and not be distracted by all the noise that is so prevalent in this world. Punks.

Can you tell that I like the story with Gideon?