Blue Like Jazz comes out in 1 week!

I want you to enjoy this with me, so check out the trailer :)



Unfortunately, I do not think the movie will be opening in Lincoln :( which makes me very sad..

Two things I support

First one! Going alphabetically, it is the Blue Like Jazz movie! I would suggest looking at the website to watch the trailer for it, but I may just include it here later on :P After watching the trailer, I feel like it gives a brief idea of what the book is about, but since I haven't seen the movie I don't know how much of the movie it shows ;) Anyway, I read the book a few years ago and I liked it a lot. The author, Donald Miller, is simply writing about some of his experiences with his friends at college and religion and God. He seems to take an honest look at things, and realizes some of the great shortcomings of Christians in America today.

The second thing is FreeRice.com. It is a website that is also a game, and it is one I played regularly last year and have not been in the habit of playing this year. I want to play it more, because I want to have more of an impact on this earth and the people on it. You ask, "How does playing a game make an impact on this world?"
Well, playing FreeRice literally provides people with food to eat when they may not otherwise have some. The game runs off of money from ads on the page, and when you view those ads, they pay for the rice that you 'donate.' The game you play is a vocabulary game (or a geography game, or a chemistry game...there are different subjects!) where each answer is 'worth' 10 grains of rice. I know it isn't much, I mean, what can you do with 10 grains of rice? And honestly, no, you cannot do much with 10 grains of rice. But by donating 10 grains of rice at a time, I have cumulatively donated 889900 grains of rice (at the time of this blog post). I know what you are thinking: That's OVER 9000!!!!! and it is. well over 9000.
Together, we can and will make a difference, and it will be good :)

So there it is. Two things I support, and I hope you take a look at them! That's all I ask, really. Just look at them. See if you are interested in them, and take the next step accordingly :)

PS- The movie comes out on Jessica's birthday. Happy birthday Jessica!

I don't know how to embed.

Just kidding, I remembered..



I hope that will work..It works :)

Alright so, I just watched this video. And I looked at some of the comments (never do that on Youtube if you want to remain in a positive mood) and got pretty upset at some of them. Upset as in disappointed. Irritated even.
I get irritated when people are...unloving, or ignorant, intolerant..that sort of thing. And people seem to show that sort of thing with videos like this.

When people are open and real about their struggles and insecurity, others will sympathize and encourage them. Others seem to be obscenely rude and call them names or make fun of them. That irritates me.

And you know what, it irritates me when I see that same attitude in myself: apathy, laziness, stupidity. What do you think, if God is love, to choose to not show love...what does that indicate? :/
I have seen this in myself way too much this semester. I feel like I have changed in many ways since last spring, in both good ways and bad ways. But I don't feel like I am doing a good job of loving others. I just don't feel like I have done a good job of being a Christian this semester actually. And I want that to change.
And that is going to change.

Because you know what? People are still hurting. People are still struggling. People are still attacking other people. And what am I doing about it?
I know, some of you will say, 'but Nick, you can't do all those things!' And I agree. I can't, and I won't. But if I feel like God wants me to do something about something, then I am going to feel like I am failing until I do that something. And I am definitely failing.

I said, on facebook, that this video has a message for everyone. To those who are suffering, the message is that you are not alone. To those who have suffered, the message is that you are strong, because you made it through that time. To those who are not suffering, the message is that others are still suffering, so what are you going to do about it? To those who have never suffered, I don't know what the message is, because I do not believe you exist. In fact, I am quite confident that you don't. Even God suffers.

It's Kind of a Funny Story

Um...I want to kill myself...

{hands over paperwork}

--Oh great...that will help people, won't it? I know it is supposed to be funny...but is it accurate? When a person comes to us with something they need help with...do we give them help, or a process? I know those may be the same...but paperwork?

Man, you are stressed out for 16. You need to relax.

I thought you guys could do something quick...I didn't think I'd be committed... 5 days? I can't be here till Thursday...I'll miss school, and my friends will find out where I am.

Depression is nothing to be ashamed of.

Some of the people here are.. really messed up.

They're professionals, they can help you in ways that..we..can't...

--Letting go is tough, isn't it? But is it better than holding on?

You should know, Craig, if you don't open up, you're never gonna heal.

--Is this true? And if it is not, how will you heal on your own? They say that time heals all things. Is that true?

Well I have 8 dollars..

Well you don't have to brag about it! People here have nothing. Show a little humility!

Why'd you stop taking [Zoloft]?

I guess I felt like I didn't need it..

Maybe that means it was working :)

Do you have anyone you can explain it to? Friends? Family?

I have friends..and family but, its not always easy.

--He puts school high on his list of priorities. He keeps asking if he can get out so he can go to school... That kinda makes me sad.

Yeah, I don't get wrapped up in a bunch of stuff I don't have.

--Who does? Do you? Do I? How do you know?

Why won't you accept [his offer of kindness]?

Because I don't want any handouts.

--Is that pride? Or is it a legitimate reason?

I see a therapist...yeah, it's pretty embarrassing.

--Why is it embarrassing? Because we don't have it together? And if everyone is embarrassed that they don't have it together...what does that mean?

I guess..I didn't really want to kill myself. But I kind of did. Does that make sense?

Yeah.

--He is so concerned about being around people who are different than him. Why does that make us uncomfortable?

There is so nothing wrong with you!

Yes there is!

--Is there something to be gained by admitting that we have a problem?

I don't have any friends.

This is very tough thing to learn.

--The truth can hurt..and the truth will set you free... What do you think about those statements?

You shouldn't stress about it. That doesn't mean it isn't important, though.

--Is that conflicting in any way? Why or how? And have you ever heard anyone say something like that before?

And was that difficult, seeing Bobby like that?

I was scared..seeing someone fall apart like that. All the stress and pressure and anxiety just bubbling up. But I'm never able to let it out like that, I always keep it inside.

Lord, grant me the strength to accept the things I can't change, the courage for the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

It's like, get a clue dad! There is something bigger going on.

And what is that?

I don't know, but it feels big.

--Have you ever thought about that?

There are some cool people in here.

--When is that true? Where is that true? What determines whether or not it is true? Does it have to deal with how well you know the people there?

Cool Craig what are you afraid of? c'mon!

Why can't we give love a chance?

--What would that involve? And, instead of thinking about the risks, what are the potential gains? What are the potential gains that we don't know/think about, too?

You've really gotta get out of the room more...there is a whole world out there.

--Quite the perspective change :)

Well, I like her, but I think I'd be too nervous to ask her out.

What are you nervous about?

Rejection..

Man, you can't let you live by fear. Otherwise you might end up like Muqtada. Or you might end up like me.

Uh...

That is the part where you say 'Your life is not that bad.'

Oh, sorry...

--Let's be honest, who is not nervous or afraid of rejection?

And I've uh..tried to kill myself 6 times.

I thought about doing that...but I couldn't.

Well what stopped you?

My family I think...knowing how bad I'd mess them up.

See, that's the part I don't get, Craig. I mean, you're cool, you're smart, you're talented. You have a family that loves you. You know, what I would do just to be you, for just a day? I would... I would do so much. I would... I don't know. I would just... I'd just live. Like it meant something.

--What do we take for granted? Do you see the things that others see in you? In your life?

This is enough for one day, I think.

--Baby steps. Baby steps :)

--The breaking point. Here it is. He is looking at the drawing... 'Under Pressure'

Things are going to change now. Let's see what happens :)

You've had it figured out all along...never get out of the bed.

--Back to this logic. Why? He was hurt. He got rejected. Twice. Shot down. Turned away.

Being not busy being born is busy dying.

[There are so many people struggling to live...]

Have you told [your dad] how you feel?

Not yet.

But you will?

....I think so.

So you're in love with her?

No.

Well of course not. You thought she was hot, so you told her what you thought she wanted to hear.

--Boom roasted.

I like how you don't hide your problems like everyone else. And I don't feel like I have to hide mine when I'm around you.

--How freeing is that? Have you experienced it?

So, how come you never asked me why?

I guess I just assumed you would tell me when you wanted me to know.

Thanks.

I know I might hide it pretty well, but I get that depression stuff too, sometimes. Don't kill yourself, k? Seriously..

{bro hug}

--It is amazing what happens when you get to know a person as a person. When you get to know what they like and don't like. Who they've been and who they don't want to be. (haha I know I'm quoting The Fray, but I think it is true :P) You can really help someone to be who they were meant to be.

It'll come to ya!

Okay, I know you're thinking, "What is this? Kid spends a few days in the hospital and all his problems are cured?" But I'm not. I know I'm not. I can tell this is just the beginning. I still need to face my homework, my school, my friends. My dad. But the difference between today and last Saturday is that for the first time in a while, I can look forward to the things I want to do in my life. Bike, eat, drink, talk. Ride the subway, read, read maps. Make maps, make art. Finish the Gates application. Tell my dad not to stress about it. Hug my mom. Kiss my little sister. Kiss my dad. Make out with Noelle. Make out with her more. Take her on a picnic. See a movie with her. See a movie with Aaron. Heck, see a movie with Nia. Have a party. Tell people my story. Volunteer at 3 North. Help people like Bobby. Like Muqtada. Like me. Draw more. Draw a person. Draw a naked person. Draw Noelle naked. Run, travel, swim, skip. Yeah, I know it's lame, but, whatever. Skip anyway. Breathe... Live.

--Now the movie is over. And here are some of my last thoughts :)

The dad. Too focused on work to notice what his son is going through. Too focused on work to notice what his son actually cares about. To notice what the 'bigger thing' is.

What happens when we get focused on one thing? Or even a couple of things? Is it better to focus on one or a few things? Or is it better to keep a wide view?

This could be very important for your future.

But what about now??

--This is from the deleted scenes, but I feel like it is so true...we concern ourselves so much with the future, it seems. Is it such that we are so focused on the future that we forget about the present?

Gah, I know I do sometimes. I start thinking about what I want to do after college, but before that what classes I have to take, and what if I don't graduate in four years? and what if I don't graduate at all? What would happen if I just sort of went off and did something that everyone did not expect?

But I have to be reminded that I am living now. I am living here. I am not living in the future, and I am not living 'there', wherever 'there' may be. I may do something that no one expects, but I would have to do it now, wouldn't I? I know there is planning involved, but eh. An idea I have heard: We figure out the what, and leave the how up to God. What do you think about that phrase?

I know I asked a lot of questions in this one. That may be because I liked the movie, and I felt like it was pretty easy to identify with the main character. It might be because I have wanted to see this for a while. It might be because I simply opened up my 'questioning mechanism' a little more. Or perhaps it would be better stated that I lessened the filtering I do from my mind to my typing. I ask a lot of questions. And I ask because I want to get to know you. So if you feel like I am asking too much, just let me know. I'll stop asking questions for a while :)

But I will still want to get to know you more ;)

Fight Club! (again)

Its only after we've lost everything that we are free to do anything.

Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off.

Homework assignment
--Hey, is that a gun?

Meet me in the back.

--What are you doing??

Meet me in the back.

[In a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.]

Raymond, you are going to die.

What did you study Raymond?

Why?

What did you want to be Raymond K. Hessel?

The question, RAYMOND, was what did you want to be?

--A vet...too much school...

Would you rather be dead, would you rather die here on your knees in the back of a convenience store?

Tomorrow will be the most beautiful day of Raymond K. Hessel's life. His breakfast will taste better than any meal you and I have ever tasted.

You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your f***ing khakis. You're the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world.

Like a monkey ready to be shot into space. Like space monkey, ready to die for the greater good.

Listen up, maggots. You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else.

Hi. You're going to call off your rigorous investigation. You're going to publicly state that there is no underground group. Or... these guys are going to take your balls. They're going to send one to the New York Times, one to the LA Times press-release style. Look, the people you are after are the people you depend on. We cook your meals, we haul your trash, we connect your calls, we drive your ambulances. We guard you while you sleep. Do not... f*** with us.

Is this about you and me?

F*** what you know. You need to forget about what you know, that's your problem. Forget about what you think you know about life, about friendship, and especially about you and me.

Guys, what would you wish you'd done before you died?
Guy: Paint a self-portrait.
Other guy: Build a house.
And you?

--I don't know. Turn the wheel now, come on!
You have to know the answer to this question! If you died right now, how would you feel about your life?

--I don't know, I wouldn't feel anything good about my life, is that what you want to hear me say? Fine. Come on!
Not good enough.

In death, a member of Project Mayhem has a name.

--His name is Robert Paulson.

---His name is Robert Paulson.

All the ways you wish you could be, that's me. I look like you wanna look, I f*** like you wanna f***, I am smart, capable, and most importantly, I am free in all the ways that you are not.

And in the end, what is it that really matters?

This is why I like this movie a lot. Well, this is part of why I like this movie a lot. It makes you question things. What is real? What is important? What do we do in our minds that we don't even realize we are doing?

Can one person change the world?

If one person cannot change the world, what is the least amount of people you have to have before you can?

If one person can organize a group, what is not possible for them to accomplish?

When we realize that we have lost everything...can we do anything?

Its only after we've lost everything that we are free to do anything.

Some Things About Rapunzel's 'Mother'

These are things that really bother me:

• 'Mother knows best' [Arrogance]
• Mocking Rapunzel [Disrespect]
• Telling Rapunzel that she is not good enough [Lying]
• Only telling Rapunzel about the 'bad' things in the world [Pessimism]
• 'All good things to those who wait' [Used in the case for revenge]
• Uses deception to accomplish her goals (which are selfish) [combination of Lying & Selfishness]
• Only wants Rapunzel for her hair powers [More Selfishness]

Flynn: Are you ok?
Rapunzel: I'm terrified

Why?
I've been looking out of a window for eighteen years, dreaming about what I might feel like when those lights rise in the sky. What if it's not everything I dreamed it would be?
It will be.
And what if it is? What do I do then?
Well,that's the good part I guess. You get to go find a new dream.

At the ending part with the lanterns, Rapunzel and Flynn are singing a duet, and they are talking about how they finally see each other, and it sounds great, and the scenery is fantastic. And all the girls that are watching the movie are "AWWWWHHHH!!!'-ing and just wriggling with delight in the cute-ness [I'm guessing, I would appreciate it if you let me know for sure ;) ]

Anyway, they are about to kiss, and then Flynn notices something in the background, so he doesn't kiss her. The girls watching the movie seemed pretty disappointed. Again, I am curious about this; mostly as to the girls' thoughts on it :)

This world is dark, and selfish, and cruel. If it finds even the slightest ray of sunshine, it destroys it.

This is from the 'mother' and it is actually accurate, in my opinion. Whatever is not of the world is not welcomed by the world...

If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you. Remember what I told you: ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also. If they obeyed my teaching, they will obey yours also. They will treat you this way because of my name, for they do not know the one who sent me. If I had not come and spoken to them, they would not be guilty of sin; but now they have no excuse for their sin. Whoever hates me hates my Father as well. If I had not done among them the works no one else did, they would not be guilty of sin. As it is, they have seen, and yet they have hated both me and my Father. But this is to fulfill what is written in their Law: ‘They hated me without reason.’ -John 15:18-25

Flynn: I can't let you do this-

Rapunzel: And I can't let you die...

But if you do this, then you will die...

Its gonna be alright!

Is that love or what?!? :D John 15:13! Boo-Yah!

Rio

I watched the movie 'Rio' tonight, and I quite liked it :)

I was, however, slightly put off by some of the song-and-dance routines, as I was not expecting a musical, but I decided that I should just get over myself and enjoy the music. It was not that hard :)

So, the movie starts off with a blue macaw being in Minnesnowta. Excuse me, Minnesota! hehe :P

Anyway, this macaw, appropriately named Blu, is brought up by this girl until the girl has become an adult and Blu is, by macaw standards I am guessing, also an adult, or at least some sort of post-adolescent. They both live/work in this bookstore, and they are both comfortable doing that. However, neither of them is challenged much. Blu does not even know how to fly, and Linda (the woman) is hesitant about leaving her bookstore (and Blu).

Then, they are both called upon to leave the bookstore. The characters are given a calling.

Neither really want to leave, but, it is a movie, and their decisions have already been decided for them. (Tangent here: Free Will vs. Predetermination. I will not get into that now, but mayhaps another time.)

So, at one point in the movie, just after the chain is no longer part of the equation, Blu and Jewel are faced with a choice. And it is pretty clear that both of them want the same thing, but for some reason Blu seems hesitant, and eventually ends up making the decision that neither of them wanted to make. It is quite unfortunate. But it reminded me of some things humans do, or rather, some things that I have noticed guys sometimes do. Maybe it is just in movies, maybe it is in 'real life' too. We shall see.

Anyway, Blu seems like he is blocking his feelings, and misinterpreting the 'signs/hints' that Jewel seems to be giving him. He, perhaps, is feeling like she does not want him around anymore. So he says that he will leave. He tries other options, but yeah. The thing(s) I noticed (I do not want to give away too much about the movie): Blu seems to either hide or block his feelings, and in doing so, he causes unnecessary pain to himself and to Jewel. It is sad, in my opinion.

Blu seems to think that he is unwanted. He seems to think that he cannot learn to fly. He seems to think that he must learn how to fly, or Jewel will not want to be with him. As I said, it is sad. Blu seems to feel that he must earn her affection. That he must work to receive the love that he desires. He seems to think that he will not be loved until he can fly.

So here is the question: Can you fly? If you cannot, are you loved? If you do not feel loved, do you feel like it is because you cannot fly? And do you feel like you are not able to learn to fly?

Where do you get your answers from? What do you base your answers off of? Is that base reliable? Has it given you truth in the past?

(The word 'fly' is used as a placeholder. It may be switched out for another word, one that is more personal, more applicable to you.)

I do not think I have yet learned to fly. And by that, I mean that I do not think I have yet learned how to love properly. After all, birds are made to fly. And I think that I am made to love. By not flying, a bird is not doing what it is supposed to be doing, and therefore it is not fulfilling the purpose for which it was made. When I am not loving, I am not fulfilling my purpose either. However, I know that I am loved, despite my lack of the action of loving. I know that I am loved, even when I do not love. Even when I make the choice not to love. I know that I do not please God because of what I do. And I know that I do not please God because of what I do not do. God seems to find pleasure in me because I have been given the righteousness of Christ. (Now that is amazing!)

I am learning to love, but I have not yet figured it all out yet. I have seen (or at least read) what it looks like to love wholly and perfectly, but I am still nervous about jumping off of the mountain. [There is a scene in Rio where Blu is trying to learn how to fly by observation and imitation, by jumping off of a mountain ;) ] I know that when the time comes, I will be given something (whether it be the ability, desire, way or something else) that will help/allow me to love in a way that is very similar, but not quite the same as the love that God has shown. Just as Blu was provided a hang-glider, I will be provided with something as well. (Yay Holy Spirit!)

But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid... But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come. -John 14:26-27; 16:13

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. -Jesus (John 16:33)

Inspired by Fight Club

Yes, the movie.

I feel like the overall message of the movie is so...potent(?)

Why do we not do what we want to do? Is it because it is socially unacceptable? Is it because it is not what our friends expect of us? Or is it because we hold ourselves back because something is 'too hard' or whatever? (As a sidenote, I understand there are things that would fit into these categories, and it is a good thing that they are not approved of, but there are also many things that

would benefit others that we don't do. And those things are what I will focus on.)

For me, I want to make other people happy. I want to make their day (better). I like to make people laugh. I like to help others to see why it is that they are valued as a friend and as a person. I want to give compliments. I want to give hugs. I want to give money. I want to give encouragement. I want to help others with the things they are going through.

Overall, I want to be more than what I am.

So I try. Sort of. There are many things I only say in my head. Some of those it is good I keep them in (I have noticed more of those lately, and I am not pleased about that.) but others...others should really be let free. There are many things in my head that I feel like I should tell people.

Thank you.

I love you.

I am glad you are in my life.

God is so good!

Can I have a hug?

You are someone I admire, and here is why...

Things like that. I want to be more positive. I want to spread the love, if you will. (as I laugh in my head :P)

And I will stop there for now. This was intended for the note I wrote on facebook, but it felt like it was too much about me, and not about the movie. So I moved it here.

:)