Foment.

It means to start up or initiate, especially an insurrection.

Alright, time for round dos! (2!) = 2

[it actually does... 2*1=2 ;) ]

Hmm.... Lets see. Love is pretty great huh? Otherwise we would not use the word 'love' to describe the things we care about most, or like most, would we? But what is love, really? Is love simply caring about someone a lot, or is it liking someone a lot? (I am sticking with love between two people because I do not want anyone talking about how they love nachos or something else like that :P) Is love being really really nice to a person? Is love smiling at someone, even when they hurt you? Is love telling a person that you agree with them, even if you may not? Is love encouraging someone to keep doing what they are doing, even if what they are doing is not what you think is best?

I suppose here is where I am leading: Is love polite, or is love honest? Can it be both, or neither? But, suppose you had to make a decision: being kind (polite) or being harsh (honest). Which one would love (real, honest to goodness love) show?

This one is for you

You. The reader. The commenter. The person who, somehow or another, has come across my blog. Consider the following statement, please:

I love you.

What does it mean to you? What do those words entail? Are those words enough? Are there things that people do that show these words instead of say them?

I will (hopefully) post another blog after this along the same lines. I'll include a specific tag.

It's Kind of a Funny Story

Um...I want to kill myself...

{hands over paperwork}

--Oh great...that will help people, won't it? I know it is supposed to be funny...but is it accurate? When a person comes to us with something they need help with...do we give them help, or a process? I know those may be the same...but paperwork?

Man, you are stressed out for 16. You need to relax.

I thought you guys could do something quick...I didn't think I'd be committed... 5 days? I can't be here till Thursday...I'll miss school, and my friends will find out where I am.

Depression is nothing to be ashamed of.

Some of the people here are.. really messed up.

They're professionals, they can help you in ways that..we..can't...

--Letting go is tough, isn't it? But is it better than holding on?

You should know, Craig, if you don't open up, you're never gonna heal.

--Is this true? And if it is not, how will you heal on your own? They say that time heals all things. Is that true?

Well I have 8 dollars..

Well you don't have to brag about it! People here have nothing. Show a little humility!

Why'd you stop taking [Zoloft]?

I guess I felt like I didn't need it..

Maybe that means it was working :)

Do you have anyone you can explain it to? Friends? Family?

I have friends..and family but, its not always easy.

--He puts school high on his list of priorities. He keeps asking if he can get out so he can go to school... That kinda makes me sad.

Yeah, I don't get wrapped up in a bunch of stuff I don't have.

--Who does? Do you? Do I? How do you know?

Why won't you accept [his offer of kindness]?

Because I don't want any handouts.

--Is that pride? Or is it a legitimate reason?

I see a therapist...yeah, it's pretty embarrassing.

--Why is it embarrassing? Because we don't have it together? And if everyone is embarrassed that they don't have it together...what does that mean?

I guess..I didn't really want to kill myself. But I kind of did. Does that make sense?

Yeah.

--He is so concerned about being around people who are different than him. Why does that make us uncomfortable?

There is so nothing wrong with you!

Yes there is!

--Is there something to be gained by admitting that we have a problem?

I don't have any friends.

This is very tough thing to learn.

--The truth can hurt..and the truth will set you free... What do you think about those statements?

You shouldn't stress about it. That doesn't mean it isn't important, though.

--Is that conflicting in any way? Why or how? And have you ever heard anyone say something like that before?

And was that difficult, seeing Bobby like that?

I was scared..seeing someone fall apart like that. All the stress and pressure and anxiety just bubbling up. But I'm never able to let it out like that, I always keep it inside.

Lord, grant me the strength to accept the things I can't change, the courage for the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

It's like, get a clue dad! There is something bigger going on.

And what is that?

I don't know, but it feels big.

--Have you ever thought about that?

There are some cool people in here.

--When is that true? Where is that true? What determines whether or not it is true? Does it have to deal with how well you know the people there?

Cool Craig what are you afraid of? c'mon!

Why can't we give love a chance?

--What would that involve? And, instead of thinking about the risks, what are the potential gains? What are the potential gains that we don't know/think about, too?

You've really gotta get out of the room more...there is a whole world out there.

--Quite the perspective change :)

Well, I like her, but I think I'd be too nervous to ask her out.

What are you nervous about?

Rejection..

Man, you can't let you live by fear. Otherwise you might end up like Muqtada. Or you might end up like me.

Uh...

That is the part where you say 'Your life is not that bad.'

Oh, sorry...

--Let's be honest, who is not nervous or afraid of rejection?

And I've uh..tried to kill myself 6 times.

I thought about doing that...but I couldn't.

Well what stopped you?

My family I think...knowing how bad I'd mess them up.

See, that's the part I don't get, Craig. I mean, you're cool, you're smart, you're talented. You have a family that loves you. You know, what I would do just to be you, for just a day? I would... I would do so much. I would... I don't know. I would just... I'd just live. Like it meant something.

--What do we take for granted? Do you see the things that others see in you? In your life?

This is enough for one day, I think.

--Baby steps. Baby steps :)

--The breaking point. Here it is. He is looking at the drawing... 'Under Pressure'

Things are going to change now. Let's see what happens :)

You've had it figured out all along...never get out of the bed.

--Back to this logic. Why? He was hurt. He got rejected. Twice. Shot down. Turned away.

Being not busy being born is busy dying.

[There are so many people struggling to live...]

Have you told [your dad] how you feel?

Not yet.

But you will?

....I think so.

So you're in love with her?

No.

Well of course not. You thought she was hot, so you told her what you thought she wanted to hear.

--Boom roasted.

I like how you don't hide your problems like everyone else. And I don't feel like I have to hide mine when I'm around you.

--How freeing is that? Have you experienced it?

So, how come you never asked me why?

I guess I just assumed you would tell me when you wanted me to know.

Thanks.

I know I might hide it pretty well, but I get that depression stuff too, sometimes. Don't kill yourself, k? Seriously..

{bro hug}

--It is amazing what happens when you get to know a person as a person. When you get to know what they like and don't like. Who they've been and who they don't want to be. (haha I know I'm quoting The Fray, but I think it is true :P) You can really help someone to be who they were meant to be.

It'll come to ya!

Okay, I know you're thinking, "What is this? Kid spends a few days in the hospital and all his problems are cured?" But I'm not. I know I'm not. I can tell this is just the beginning. I still need to face my homework, my school, my friends. My dad. But the difference between today and last Saturday is that for the first time in a while, I can look forward to the things I want to do in my life. Bike, eat, drink, talk. Ride the subway, read, read maps. Make maps, make art. Finish the Gates application. Tell my dad not to stress about it. Hug my mom. Kiss my little sister. Kiss my dad. Make out with Noelle. Make out with her more. Take her on a picnic. See a movie with her. See a movie with Aaron. Heck, see a movie with Nia. Have a party. Tell people my story. Volunteer at 3 North. Help people like Bobby. Like Muqtada. Like me. Draw more. Draw a person. Draw a naked person. Draw Noelle naked. Run, travel, swim, skip. Yeah, I know it's lame, but, whatever. Skip anyway. Breathe... Live.

--Now the movie is over. And here are some of my last thoughts :)

The dad. Too focused on work to notice what his son is going through. Too focused on work to notice what his son actually cares about. To notice what the 'bigger thing' is.

What happens when we get focused on one thing? Or even a couple of things? Is it better to focus on one or a few things? Or is it better to keep a wide view?

This could be very important for your future.

But what about now??

--This is from the deleted scenes, but I feel like it is so true...we concern ourselves so much with the future, it seems. Is it such that we are so focused on the future that we forget about the present?

Gah, I know I do sometimes. I start thinking about what I want to do after college, but before that what classes I have to take, and what if I don't graduate in four years? and what if I don't graduate at all? What would happen if I just sort of went off and did something that everyone did not expect?

But I have to be reminded that I am living now. I am living here. I am not living in the future, and I am not living 'there', wherever 'there' may be. I may do something that no one expects, but I would have to do it now, wouldn't I? I know there is planning involved, but eh. An idea I have heard: We figure out the what, and leave the how up to God. What do you think about that phrase?

I know I asked a lot of questions in this one. That may be because I liked the movie, and I felt like it was pretty easy to identify with the main character. It might be because I have wanted to see this for a while. It might be because I simply opened up my 'questioning mechanism' a little more. Or perhaps it would be better stated that I lessened the filtering I do from my mind to my typing. I ask a lot of questions. And I ask because I want to get to know you. So if you feel like I am asking too much, just let me know. I'll stop asking questions for a while :)

But I will still want to get to know you more ;)