Monday, November 21, 2011

Bits and Pieces

I am slightly frustrated. I have such a desire to help others. To help them through their struggles, their pain, their insecurities, and to celebrate in their successes, their joys, and their victories. I want to share so much of what God has shown me and blessed me with so that the blessing may also go to someone else. But I don't know how. I want to so badly, but I feel like I just hit a roadblock, because I don't know how to continue. I feel like no matter what I do to try and 'get the word out' it won't be enough...whatheck.

How many problems/arguments are caused by misunderstandings? Or miscommunications? Or assumptions? I see people who have different views of the way reality is, and they think that they are being attacked when views are stated. Recently it has been pointed out to me that emotions/stress can stack on each other and cause relatively small things to seem larger than what we can handle. Perhaps that is playing into it- we get stressed and worried and then some small thing happens and we find an opportunity to 'take control' of some small part of our life, and we end up stepping all over someone else because we think we need to be in control of something, even if it is just a small conversation. Why do we do that? (Link here to Jessica's blog)

And now, interruptions make my night. Thank you to Carol and Jenny for being rambunctious, bubbly, hug-giving, and my friends. You two mean so much to me :)

So, this is a piece of my life right now. These are some bits of my thoughts. And I hope you find them encouraging, and I hope to put more of them up here, because I want to share with you some of the things God has shared with me.

Verses to end with: Ephesians 4:29-5:2

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

A peek into my mind

Right now, there are many things that hurt. But here is one.
I gave a little bit of this, from a different angle, in my other blog. But this one is more personal, so it goes here.

It hurts me to see my friends hurt. It hurts me when I see them struggling, but it hurts me even more to find out that they have been hurting and I was unaware of it. Because when I am unaware, that means I am not involved in their life in a way that I want to be. Because it hurts me more to see them hurting and not know what to do to help. It hurts me more to see them hurting and feel like I don't have time to help them. It makes me want to scream at myself, "What are you doing with your life right now?" And not in a nice tone. Not at all.

It hurts me to see what I am doing with my life right now. It hurts me to see that I have not invested in more than 3 to 5 friendships this semester. It hurts me to see how I have fallen from where I was this summer and last spring. It hurts me that I have to try and push all of this away so that I can go to class in 10 minutes.

I guess what hurts the most is the crushing disappointment that I feel right now. It hurts feeling like I am stuck in some position because I know what I want to do, I think I know what God wants me to do, and I hear what a select few want me to do. It hurts me to not see my friends very often and not be able to talk with them and know them and learn about what is going on in their lives. It hurts me to complain so much, because I know there will be those of you who read this and say, 'Oh Nick, life is not always fun and butterflies. Get used to it!' and you probably mean well with that, but I am not going to live this life in a way that is normal. I am not going to get used to having pain here, because I am going to fight this. I want to be one of those people who hears, 'Well done, my good and faithful servant.' And I don't expect to hear that if I just get used to the pain here. Have you heard the story about the girl throwing starfish back into the ocean? Well I want to help those starfish too, and I know there are many more that are hurting, but I will do what I can for who I can. But right now, I am not doing enough. So I will keep striving.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

frickin frack

I have a feeling that there will soon be a post on here about how much I am not pleased about my life right now. There are things going on that I am looking forward to be done with. I know I have a lot in my life that I don't want (hey, who doesn't?) and I am trying to figure out how to change things for the next semester.

But like I said, this is not that post. This is a precursor to that one. Because right now, I'm in class. And now is not the time to try and get emotional and deep and complain about my cushy life in America. Hush.

It will probably be more of a rant than anything else, but I will try to bold the parts that I want my friends to know...because I care about you more than I have shown lately. You mean more to me than what I have said. And I'm sorry.