This post will probably be mostly incoherent for those of you who do not understand my thought process. Which should be most people, unless you know something I don't.
I do have something that I will type a blog about later. I don't know when later is.
I feel like my life is quite full. And by 'my life' I actually mean my time. I feel like I am missing out on something. I feel like I am falling dreadfully short of what I want to accomplish with my life. I am so discontent with what I do day by day. I look forward to the things that are 'different' from my routine: Maranatha camp, Bible study, church/youth group. There are things that I want to add to my daily routine: more time in prayer, more time spent reading my Bible, more time spent getting to know my friends and showing them that I truly care about who they are and what they are going through.
It bothers me when I think about how I want to spend my time getting to know people. That is something I (re)learned this week; hearing a person's story, what they have been through, how they got to where they are, where they are now, and what they still struggle with, hearing all of that makes me feel alive. Listening to someone pour out their heart makes me feel like I am doing something right. I'm not sure if you know, but I feel constantly, and I mean constantly, harassed by what I am not doing good enough. It doesn't always come from outside of me, but there is hardly a moment when I don't feel like I could be doing something better. I don't feel that way when I listen to someone. When I pray for or over someone. When I show a friend that I deeply care about them. Maybe there is a reason for that...
I felt like God gave me a clear command this week. I do not know what He meant by it, but I intend to figure that out (haha not by my own power though, no sir!). I felt like God moved in my heart this week, and I am so thankful for that. He has given me a new heart of flesh and removed my old heart of stone. These bones have been raised to life :) [Reference to Ezekiel...I don't remember which chapter(s)]
After this week, I dearly miss some of my friends... Some of my 'old' friends, many of whom I have not even known for more than a year, but have known more about me than some who have known me for years. I miss you, friends. I long to sit down somewhere with you and hear what you have been through, what you are going through. I want to pray for you, pray with you, and watch God come and redeem these broken parts of this world. I would like to hear what God has been doing in your life lately, and if you have been feeling far from Him, I would dearly like to help you get back to Him. Know that He has never left you. Know that He has never stopped loving you. That is something else God showed me this week. God's love goes beyond His wrath! God's love for us goes beyond His hate for the sin that we commit! He loved us, even when we were His enemies, enough to be patient with us and teach us how to live, to be beaten and bleed, to take our punishment, our death, so that we could take on His life. Breathe deep. Breathe in His Spirit, and live. Be refreshed by the God of all things, know that you are loved by the Lord of Lords. Know the Lord, and find out what He wants you to do in this life, on this earth.
Be cut to the heart, and ask what you should do next. Do not sit and wait (unless He tells you to do so) but take action. Speak, if that is what you are called to do. Listen, do not hurry, take time in silence and solitude. (Who am I speaking to anyway?) Be in awe of the Lord and remember who He is and who you are.
Why do you think God says so many times (especially in the books of the Law) 'I am the LORD'?