Thursday, May 26, 2011

What do you look forward to?

Tonight, as I was driving back to my house, I thought about my Grammy dying. She has cancer, and she has been going through chemo for almost a year now, I think. Or something around that. Anyway, she has stayed strong through it, and I feel like if she would die tomorrow, I could accept that. (Tomorrow she is getting something done with her lungs; her oxygen levels have been a little variable lately, as I understand things.) I trust that God knows what is best for her, and for my family. And I know I can trust Him with her life, with this situation. I feel peaceful about it, which is not something I have felt in the past few weeks.

Tonight, as I was driving back to my house, I thought about my Grammy dying. I thought about what it will be like to see her again in heaven. I thought about how she will not be frail as she is now. Her right arm will not be shriveled from polio, as it is now. I don't even know if she will be more than 60 years old, as she is now. I thought about how there will be incessant peace and everlasting love. Actually, thought is not the right word. Though, to me, suggests some form of wordage. This was more, considered. Felt. I... I didn't think, not with words. I felt, with...with what? With the Spirit's assistance, of course. (Tangent here, fruit of the Spirit suddenly seem to come into my life. Interesting.)

Thinking about heaven is something that has come to me more in the past year than it has in all my life before then, I think. I even recently bought a book about heaven. Actually it is about what happens after we die, but the evidence pointing towards there being a heaven is quite interesting. Feelings of intense joy, love, and peace. A feeling of finally being at home. The words people use to describe their experiences are non-existent; words cannot accurately describe how it will be after we die. And some people think that consciousness ends after death....but how many of us actually look into that idea, the idea of what happens after we die?

Oh, well I am only 20 years old (Double Digits!!!), I still have 50 or 60 years before I will die. Yeah? Try telling that to the girl who was diagnosed with lukemia when she was a teen. Tell that to the mother who lost her son, when he was 18, in a driving accident. Death doesn't wait for us to be ready. (That was my tone of, you don't know what you are talking about. I may show you sometime, if you really want to hear it. But it might scare you. Seriously.)

What do you have to look forward to? What do you look forward to?
Are those the same question, anyway?

I look forward to giving Jesus a hug. Seriously. Not a prayer-hug, as I have come to eagerly desire as of late, but a full body hug. I know I will not want to let go of my Lord, of my Best Friend.
Sometimes I am scared that God isn't pleased by the things I do. I fear that what I am doing on this earth is not good enough. I fear that I am turning my back on God, and He is getting very angry at me. But when I think about being in heaven and hugging Jesus, guess what? No more fear. Do you know why that is?

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. (NIV)
There is no fear in love [dread does not exist], but full-grown (complete, perfect) love turns fear out of doors and expels every trace of terror! For fear brings with it the thought of punishment, and [so] he who is afraid has not reached the full maturity of love [is not yet grown into love's complete perfection]. (Amplified)
Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced His perfect love. (NLT)
There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. (ESV)
That is because fear and perfect love do not coexist. When love is full, complete, and perfect, there is no fear at all. What is there to be afraid of? You are wholly, utterly, head-over-heels loved by the Greatest Man this world has ever known. He is smart. He is kind. He is wise. He knows when to tell you to stop doing what you are doing and listen. He knows what kind of pain you have been through. He knows what temps you most. He knows how to help you best. He knows where you have been going all your life. He knows that your Father in heaven loves you more than you can imagine. He is powerful; the wind and waves even obey Him. He is alive; He died, but death has no power over Him. He is watching over you now, even asking His Dad to help you in the things you do, asking His Dad to give you what you need to complete what you have been put here for. Even now, He is looking at you, and He sees your heart. He doesn't see your clothes. He doesn't see your shoes. He doesn't see how much makeup you put on. He doesn't see what brand of cologne you wear. He sees your heart. He knows your heart. And He loves your heart, with all that He is.
Do you believe this?
You know what He said? "Don't be afraid, just believe." "With God, all things are possible." "He who asks receives, he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks, the door will be opened to him." "Behold, I stand at the door and knock." "I am the First and the Last." "Don't worry." "Surely I am with you always." "I will send you the Helper." "I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you." "I do not give as the world gives." "I have come that you may have life, and have it to the fullest."
Do you believe this?

What do you look forward to?

Do you see what I have to look forward to?

Do you look forward to it as well?

Do you want to know where all these verses are in the Bible? haha cuz I know I do! The Spirit was definitely feeding me verses there, and I want to look all of them up now :)
Let me know which ones stick out to you, and why :)
(please and thanks)


  1. My father passed away in September, non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma. Call it divine providence, call it perfect timing, but reading these words mean more to me than you will ever know, more than I can ever say.


  2. This is beautifully written! You know that my grandma passed away recently, so I can semi relate to what you're going through. When my grandma took a turn for the worse, I was surprised and upset and scared, but as she approached her death, I know I felt more at peace knowing that she would soon be with Jesus. (I have a poem that I wrote that I'd like to share with you. I'll message it to you on facebook or something.)

    Regarding the other part of this post, I think the difference between those two questions (what do you have to look forward to and what do you look forward to) is monumental. The first seems to have an objective answer -- your future contains this or that -- and we can't really know. The second asks for your opinion on the matter -- do you look forward to living a full life and finally being able to hopefully enter heaven and spend eternity with God? I don't think that anyone who understands the concepts of eternity and perfect love could ever NOT look forward to them, even if having to die to get there is a little scary.

    So yeah... that's about all I have to say :]


  3. Honestly, I'm not sure what I have to look forward to. I don't have the assurance in my mind that heaven is there or that I will go there someday. When someone passes away, I wonder whether or not they will go to heaven. I also wonder how people get a comfort from knowing that their loved one will be in heaven (how can they possibly know for a fact that they will go to heaven).

    ...I almost feel like getting to heaven is impossible (take note of the fact that I said 'feel'...I'm sure it's possible to get to heaven, it just 'feels' like it isn't also 'seems' impossible).

  4. Rob- Are you the same Rob that I recently met on facebook? Because if that is the case, that is definitely God's timing.. He is so amazing!

    Carol- Thanks for the poem!! I really like it :) And I like how you see the difference between those questions! Also, do you think you are going to heaven? Or how about, when you die, are you going to heaven?

    McKinzie- I have a book I think you may benefit from reading :) It talks all about what happens after we die; it is full of person stories written by people who were declared clinically dead or were otherwise unconscious and had out of body experiences. I think the book says it uses about 600 of these for the findings presented in it. And there is a website too, I'll see if I can find more...Yeah. The site itself is not entirely pleasing to the eyes, but if you click 'Archives' on the top, you can read the stories that people have submitted. Currently it looks like there are over 2000. I'll let you borrow the book if you are interested :)

  5. That's a tough question, in my opinion. I sincerely hope to go to heaven; I want that more than absolutely anything. And when I think about God, if he is truly merciful, which I believe he is, I think he will forgive anything and allow us into heaven if we truly wish to be forgiven and spend eternity with him. This is where the Catholic idea of purgatory becomes mighty helpful, haha. We believe that you go there after you die to cleanse or "purge" your soul for all of the things you had done on earth. That way, when you get to heaven, you are truly blemish-free and ready to be with God. (If you have more questions about this concept, let me know!)

  6. Oh I have lots of questions :)
    Why did Jesus die?
    That is the first one ;)