Sunday, May 15, 2011

This one is for you

You. The reader. The commenter. The person who, somehow or another, has come across my blog. Consider the following statement, please:
I love you.

What does it mean to you? What do those words entail? Are those words enough? Are there things that people do that show these words instead of say them?

I will (hopefully) post another blog after this along the same lines. I'll include a specific tag.


  1. there are different kinds of love. so those words can mean different things. In greek, there are different words for different kinds of love. there's friend love, family love, spouse love and God's love. God's love is agape, but i forgot all the other words for love. agape basically means unchanging despite the circumstances.

  2. In this post, “you” should not be taken as a specific person. I’m using “you” because it’s convenient than saying “someone else.” And this post seems excessively long in comparison to Jessica's..... :P

    "I love you" means that you want to be a part of my life and that you really care about me. You want to spend time with me and you think I’m worth being around. And no matter what I do, you still care about me. And you’re never going to intentionally hurt me. And somehow I’ve made a difference in your life...I’ve made your life better in some way.

    The main thing “I love you” entails is that you’ll be (involved) in my life for a while because love isn’t a temporary thing. You can’t say “I love you” and walk out the door the next moment because I’d expect for you to be there. Also, when you tell me you love me I expect that you’ll do your best to not hurt me (after all, chances are my heart will be completely open to you and it’s easy to hurt someone when they open your heart to you).
    Sometimes saying “I love you” is enough, but most of the time it isn’t enough. You have to show it too. But if you really love someone, then I think showing them that you love them should be simple (especially when the feeling is mutual). Although, when you can’t show them that you love them (for instance, distance prevents you from showing them that you love them) then you can’t say “I love you” enough…but your whole heart still needs to be behind those words. Backing up your words with actions is what makes it really meaningful (of course timing is a lot of it too).

    There’s not any specific thing that lets me know when someone loves me. I guess a lot of it is just wanting to spend time with the person, being kind to them, and take an interest in anything/everything about them. Hugs are helpful in showing love, too.

    Interesting thoughts:
    Just because you say you love someone and you show that you love them doesn’t mean that they’ve opened their heart to your love.

    Ultimately, isn’t all love the same? Love is love, right? I mean, when a guy says he loves a girl, it’s still fundamentally the same thing as a mom telling her son/daughter that she loves them. And when you were little and gave your mom and dad a hug and kiss goodnight, how is that any different from giving a guy/girl a hug and kiss goodnight? I almost feel that as the love your family shows for you dies down/becomes less prevalent, it causes us to seek love somewhere else (in a significant other). The only thing I see that’s different between family love and “romantic” love is that there’s a chemical spark (if you will) in romantic love. I guess with that said, I should let you know that what I wrote is probably more of the guy/girl love than anything, but I still feel like what I wrote is true for family/friends too…but for family/friends, I often forget that “I love you” means just as much from them as it does from a “special someone”.

    And Nick, what does "I love you" mean to you? What does it entail? Are those words enough? Are there things that people do that show these words instead of say them?

  3. Jessica, and what do those different kind of loves mean to you?

    McKinzie: Wow, nice! I liked reading that, and you make some very good points! Especially about having your heart open to the person who has said, "I love you" and because you are open (to love), you are also open to hurt. Quite interesting indeed!

    For me...I feel like I hear people say "I love you" and they mean it in a friendly way. That is something I have had a bit of confusion with, but I feel like I am starting to understand it, or at least I am a little more familiar with what it means. Often, however, I consider "I love you" to be something reserved for very special occasions, and that is why I specifically do not use the word "love" to describe my feelings towards anything except another human and/or God. I will do what I can do keep that word from being sullied.

    However, when I just hear someone say those words randomly, almost as if they were tossed out as a farewell...well, usually it seems to come from a person whom I am friends with, but not great friends. And so I wonder what they really mean by that, and I doubt that they mean what I would mean when I say it. I guess I have trouble accepting that someone would love me if we don't talk much. That is something about love in my opinion: It comes from knowing the person, not knowing about them.

    So I think actions speak loudly, and words speak. If you follow up what you say with what you do, I will really be impressed. And if you can make me feel like I matter to you, then that is even more impressive. I think I have trouble believing that people actually really love me. I can know it, and I know it by...ehh I don't remember what it is called, but basically I reason it out. (I can explain that if you want me to)

    People can do all sorts of things that say these words without saying them, but I'm not sure I pick up on them a lot of the time. Especially people who buy others gifts to show that they care. I absolutely do not like Christmas and birthday parties (mine) for that reason. Gifts make me feel pretty uncomfortable most of the time. So when people do that, I don't really feel loved, unless it is something that is meaningful and special for some reason, and I can only think of two gifts that have ever meant something meaningful to me in my life. So yeah, I have a high standard I guess...

    But that is a love language thing. Hmm..I think I'll post my next blog on the subject :)

  4. Could you give an example of "I love you" meant in a friendly way, I'm not entirely sure what you're talking about there :P

    I too get the feeling that the word 'love' is used to describe your feeling towards anything but humans (or God, I guess). But ultimately, I feel like 'love' is used as a short cut for saying that you really, really like something. But going back to having your heart open, how can you open your heart to candy, or trees, or a squirrel.

    Kinda the same here with hearing people toss out 'I love you' as a goodbye....I'm not sure if they really love me or it. Someone has to know me before they can say that. How would they know if I'm the person they think I am?

    And explanation on knowing it and knowing by it would be appreciated :)

    I'm sure I miss a lot of actions that say 'I love you.' I think all humans are prone to missing these signs...and that's why I feel like we have to say 'I love you' (or maybe we say it because we aren't that good at portraying our love to other people?)

    And as far as gifts, I'm not quite sure why people view that as a way to show them love. I mean, chances are it is something that's been made in a factory that was sent to store and was then bought with money. IDK....I guess I can kinda see how people would think that giving gifts shows you love them because the gift is meant to make the person happy, and if you love someone, you want to make them happy. Honestly, I can't think of any (materialistic) gifts that really meant a lot to me. There was half of a broken calculator that my friend gave me one day at meant a lot a couple years later when we both sill had half of the calculator.

    Interesting thoughts:

    I tell my dog 'I love you' all the time. Obviously she's not a human (or God) soo...I don't know. Maybe I'm one of those crazy animal people who believes their pet is a human. Eh....I often feel like she's my child. I'm probably not going to stop telling my dog that I love her.

    From my experiences, the most meaningful gifts are ones that don't last. Hugs, going out for icecream, spending time at the zoo, etc.

    On the matter of saying 'I love you' as a farewell...I've heard that suicidal people will often say 'I love you' leading into when they commit suicide. Which is both saddening and interesting to think about.

  5. I love you in a friendly way... Basically anyone in the Sunroom saying I love you to one another. We are not loving each other romantically, but in a more friend-relationship kind of way. Does that help?

    But that's the thing! I don't think love is simply liking something a lot. I think it is much more than that!

    I don't know where you are getting the 'knowing it and knowing by it' thing...haha I want to explain it, but I don't understand your question :/

    Yeah, I think we miss out on things quite often. Part of that, in my opinion, is the love language issue. Not everyone speaks the same love language, and things are lost in translation, or they are simply not understood at all.

    Yeah, exactly! The thing/object/item is not what is important, it is the meaning or significance behind it, the relationship with the person!

    And I will not tell you to stop telling your dog that you love her :P The way you use the word 'love' is not up to me, and the way you use it probably changes from when you use it with your dog to when you use it with your family or friends or (someday) spouse.

    Hugs!! Yeah, those are pretty great :) I don't consider those gifts though...why do you say they are gifts?

    Hm..that is quite interesting...Suicide is very sad, for sure :( but why would a person say that right before killing themselves?

  6. Ok...I thought that's what you meant by 'I love you' in a friendly way.

    The thing about know it and know by said "I can know it, and I know it by...ehh I don't remember what it is called, but basically I reason it out. (I can explain that if you want me to)" It was in your first comment. But I'm pretty sure I get it now, so there's no need to explain it now :)

    Very true, the love I have for my dog is probably much different than when I use it with people. And yeah, it's not up to you how I use the word 'love'. I know that I'm not quite as particular with how I use the word, but when I think about it, I realize that I want to use 'love' in more of the sense that you use it just because 'love' is too important of a word to express how much you like something.

    Hehe...I just went back and read what I said about gifts and ummm....yeah. I didn't mean to say that hugs are gifts :P And yes, hugs are pretty great :) I'm starting to learn that now.

    As far as suicide and saying 'I love you' goes, I'm not sure I can really explain it. It's just a way of saying goodbye and getting some closure so that they can kill themselves. It's a lot like when someone is on their death bed and they tell their family that they love them. But I feel like suicidal people say it because it's sort of like saying 'I'm sorry and it's not your fault that I'm killing myself.'

  7. haha yeah, it is funny how we learn things like that :P

    Hmm... I think that makes sense. I suppose I see it as, for some reason, we (humans) seem to wait until we are dying or whatever, the last minute, before we do what we really want to. I don't get that. Why do we wait to tell our loved ones that we love them? Why do we wait until we are told we only have a couple months to live to do all the things we really want to do? As I have heard it put in a song, why do we wait to 'Live like you were dyin'? I see it in myself too, and I don't like it. I regret the things I don't do, usually, and I want to change that.

  8. (I get the impression that your questions where meant to be rhetorical, but I'll answer them anyway :] ) I feel like we wait to do all the things we wanted to in life right before we die because at that point, we have nothing to lose. And our priorities are different. We want to make the most out of every moment we have left on earth.

    And I really don't like that you said you regret the things you don't do. I don't like the word regret...I don't like it when I regret things (and I'm pretty hard on myself when I do regret things because I tell myself that there is no point in regretting things). So I guess the reason why I don't like that you just used the word regret is that I think regret goes hand in hand with being mad/upset with yourself. :P

  9. That's perfectly fine!
    We have nothing to lose, and that includes being rejected.. Why do you think our priorities are different? Why would it only be then that we want to make the most out of every moment?? Why do we wait?, basically.

    Yeah. I agree. Regret is a word I do not really use...haha another one of the 'strong words' :P Simply regretting things is, as you said, useless, pointless, futile. But, if you learn from it and use it as encouragement for 'next time.'

  10. Hmm...I think our priorities become different because the 'long term' priorities are out of the way. An example would be financial security...when you have your whole life ahead of you, financial security would be high on most people's list of priorities...but if you're about to die, it would no longer be that important to have financial security.
    I feel like part of the reason's our priorities change is in part because we always want to prioritize things differently, but never did.

    There seem to be a lot of 'strong words' out there. :P Today I was thinking about the words 'need' and 'want'. I was trying to figure out how you'd say something like "we need more milk" without saying the word need. And I don't like the word 'want' because it's something that you'd like but is by no means necessary (I want a different vehicle to drive, the the one I drive right now is fine). Soo...eventually I started to think about how if I tried to use those 'strong words' (love, hate, want, need, regret...) in ways that they are really meant to be used, I've a hard time saying what I want to say. <---and I'd just like to point out that I used 'want' in that sentence, but that's because I couldn't come up with a different word to use. :P So I guess the conclusion that I'm coming to is that although I'd prefer to use these 'strong words' with their full meaning, at times there aren't other words that can describe what you're intending to say. So although certain words are strong words, we don't have to use them to their full meaning/potential...we can use the 'weak version' of the word. (by the way, I'm not telling you this to get feedback or anything like that....this is just my thought process with the use of 'strong words').

    And I was reading what I said about regret and your response and I feel like I somewhat "called you out" and I shouldn't have done that. So...sorry if you felt like you were called out in any sort of way. (Which feeling like I called you out leads me into thinking about quite a few different things, but this post is getting pretty long now and kinda off track.)

  11. Oh, that is a good point about long term things..I have not thought about that before!

    I appreciate hearing your thought process, thank you for sharing it :)

    What?? Why do you think you shouldn't have called me out? haha what do you think I do to other people constantly?? :P
    That is why I posted the blog about being honest..I feel like people don't call me out on a lot of things, and I want that accountability. Going through life unopposed is uncomfortable for me!

  12. It's just engrained in my mind that I should not call people out. I've been told that when you call people out, you think you're smarter or better than the other person in some way. And that it's like questioning authority...and it's disrespectful. So from what I've been taught, I should not have called you out. :P

  13. So do you feel like I am being disrespectful or putting myself above someone else when I call others out on things?

  14. Well, no. And I don't feel like I'm being disrespectful or putting myself above someone else when I call others out, either. But it doesn't matter if I feel that way because people *may* feel like it's disrespectful or whatever...some people *may* feel like they're being 'attacked' when they're called out. (I 'called out' one of my teachers before, so then my teacher started to talk with me about it...and my dad knew about the 'problem' and decided that I wasn't understanding, so he completely grilled me about it so that I'd never be disrespectful to others again.)

    And you'll probably tell me (again) that I'm allowed to call you out on stuff but if I start calling you out, I might start to call others out too. And maybe other people don't want to be called out like you. :P

  15. I think you are right..other people may perceive it as offensive or disrespectful or something like that, but I feel like if you make your intentions clear that usually helps. It is really tough with teachers and parents though. I think it may be because they are used to people 'rebelling' against them (the authority) and therefore just sort of assume that it is out of disrespect that you are questioning them. But I suppose that is a risk I take, and I know I make some people upset. I just try to be careful...I try to be honest, and I try to let the person know that I am only doing it because I want to be honest with them about what I believe is good. And of course, I like when others do the same ;)

    You know me well :P And I suppose that is a risk you will have to evaluate.