For we live by faith, not by sight.
2 Corinthians 5:7
Still I'm afraid to tell you all that I've done
Are you done forgiving?
Oh can you look past my pretending Lord?
I'm so tired of defending what I've become...what have I become?
Times - Tenth Avenue North
Now obviously TAN does not write Scripture, but God can still speak through us today, right? Even if those words are not God's, I feel like they still have the capacity to act as a prayer for those of us who are wandering through this world. Maybe even for those of us who know where we are going in this world. haha today, I am with the former group of people. (I had to look up the difference between 'former' and 'latter' to be sure.)
So, what is it I am getting at now? I know the feeling that I am trying to write about. I do not know which words to use. Otherwise I would (hopefully) not be ranting like this. Rambling. Whatever it is.
Have you felt like that before? Where you really want to talk about something, there is just something that you want to let out! But how?? As long as it stays within your chest, you can feel it making a more significant and more noticeable impact.
Anyway, the past couple of days, I have not been feeling so great. I've been really tired, especially the past couple of weeks. Seriously, more tired than I can remember being ever before. It is not because of work, it is simply because I have (relatively) early classes. And I am not good at going to bed at a decent time. Now, I am not sure if it is just physical tiredness, but something has been causing me to feel mentally/emotionally drained as well. I noticed it mostly on Wednesday. As long as I am in class, I don't notice the mental side of it too much. But as soon as I was done with classes on Wednesday, I felt like I wanted to crawl into a hole and sleep for several hours. Obviously, I did not do that.
Instead, I hoped it would get better. And it did, for a time. Prayer group is always great, encouraging, and I like being around other Christians. Especially ones that I get to see on a semi-daily basis :)
But, alas, this leads to another late night, which is followed by an early morning. Sort of. I know it isn't actually early, but it feels like it. Instead of getting up and seeing people that I always enjoy being around, I went back to sleep. I don't like that. I don't like being that tired. Yet here I am...pushing the limits, knowing and somewhat hoping that I will crash, possibly tomorrow. Knowing I will crash because, hey, everyone has their limits; everyone has a breaking point (as I call it). Hoping, because I know that when that finally happens...maybe I will get it through my thick pride that I need to rely on God more. (thick hide, thick pride, get it? I just realized that O_o)
So here I am. Another late night. Feeling somewhat lonely, mostly tired, and having this feeling in my chest that I know is real, and wondering what it means. What it is, where it comes from. I trust that God has a plan for it, and I am confident that everything will turn out just great. And again, I can move onto something else...as if the feeling were transformed, changed into something so much better. And by what? Naught else but worship music. Thinking about and thanking God for what He has done. For His great love. For His endless blessings. For His great power. For His mercy. Remembering and re-realizing who God is.
haha Ok I will admit, I just started having fun with that after a while...knowing some HTML has its benefits ;)
Lead me to Your heart
Lead me to the cross, where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees, Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself, I belong to You
Oh lead me, lead me to the cross
There is just something about music, isn't there? I have heard it called the language of the soul...I think I can understand why. Words have their limits. They have specific (or vague) definitions. Music on the other hand...it can mean the same thing to hundreds of people, or it can mean several different things to several different people, or it can just captivate you. I suppose I should have put 'and/or' for each of those 'or's.
When did music come about? When was that skill evolved?
When did art appear in human history? Why was that important?
Eh. Another time.
For now...bed time?
I hope so.
God is good. And you are His child. He loves you more than words can express. More than matter can show. And more than you can understand. You are made in His image; you are beautiful, you are lovely. You are more than what you have done. You are more than who you have become (to quote The Lion King). In God, you are who you were meant to be. In your weakness, His strength becomes more evident. Hosanna in the highest!